Handcuffs
by Kimmy1901
Summary: What will happen when Jacob and Edward get handcuffed together with cuffs they can't break? Chapter two is dedicated to Jennifer KAMIKAZE with the injured nose
1. Chapter 1

Sometimes I feel like he doesn't trust me. I winced as I looked up to him. Edward didn't have that much tolerance right now for he hasn't hunted in a while, but that's only because we have finals in school, and he doesn't want to miss them. He promised me, though, that he'd hunt tomorrow. And I'm holding him to that.

It's just . . . my hanging out with Jacob has really gotten to him. And lately, he hasn't been going out of his way to hide it. Well, of course I didn't like him hiding his true feelings, but the fact that he's not anymore, must mean that it's gotten worse. That's why I regretted inviting him over today. Jacob's already coming. I wondered how this'd work.

And as I got up from the couch to get water, the doorbell rang. Edward and I snapped our heads over towards it. I smiled at him sheepishly and staggered over to answer in.

"Hi, Jake," I smiled as he walked in, his nose crinkled in disgust.

He didn't even bother to say hi back. "You never said that the bloodsucker would be here."

Edward stood up from the couch. "Well, I'm not going to be much longer . . ." he began.

"Edward!" I sternly called to him as I blocked the door.

He shook his head disapprovingly and notwithstanding my wishes, he approached me. Well . . . the door. And if I know him when he's hungry, he's going to pick me up and move me out of the way so he can leave, but he didn't, and he just sighed when I didn't back down.

And as I stared into his black eyes, Jacob walked up next to him. "C'mon, Bella, this isn't cool."

My eyebrows pulled together and I hope to make my face look fierce. "Both of you sit on the couch!" I screamed, more viciously than I thought. And once they did as I instructed, I smiled at myself.

And although they did as I asked, I still wasn't pleased at how they sat on either sides of the couch, hoping to stay away from each other as much as they could. So, blindly, I walked to the side table next to the door, and when both of them weren't looking, I fiddled inside Charlie's police vest. I took out the handcuffs.

Now, with a stiff back, I walked over to the couch and sat in the large gap between Edward and Jacob—the handcuffs behind my back.

"Jacob, Edward." I looked forward the whole time. "Give me your hands."

Annoyed, Jacob plopped his hand on mine that I had stuck out on either side. Edward just pushed his out farther, making me grab it myself. They were looking forward as well, so as quickly as possible, I connected their hands with the handcuffs.

They snapped their heads to me, and I stood up from the couch quickly. But when Edward saw the dinky metal, he smirked. Oh yeah, I forgot about his superhuman strength.

He grabbed the chain connecting the two cuffs and squeezed his hand . . . supposedly making the metal turn to dust. Instead, though, he just looked at the chain—still attached—amazed.

"B-Bella?" Edward stuttered as he tried again to break the cuffs. "What are these?"

I shrugged my expression as speechless as Jacob's and Edward's. "My dad's handcuffs, is all."

**Edward's POV**

What's happening? As I stared down at the metal that seemed to be indestructible, Jacob tried this time. He had no luck as well. My expression blank, I gaped at Bella, hers dumbfounded as well.

And after another hundred questions that none of us could answer, I took out my phone, and called Carlisle.

"Hello?" He answered after but one ring.

"Carlisle? Bella attached me and the werewolf with handcuffs, but the medal won't break. Even I can't break it off."

There was a pause. "Actually, I may've heard of something like this. I think that there's a certain chemical reaction within the metal compound consisting of copper and zinc and other foreign elements making an effect that somehow repels supernatural ability for the reaction doesn't outdate those supernatural beings.

I twitched. "What?"

"Edward, I never thought that this would come up . . . but . . . um . . . what color is the handcuffs?"

I rolled my eyes. "Silver."

"Look closer, do you see any other colors?"

I looked at my wrist harder and harder. "No."

I heard him sigh. "I'm sorry, Edward. I suppose the only way to get them off is the old-fashioned way—with the key.

I glanced up at Bella. "Key?"

Her mouth dropped and she looked over to a side table by the door. She shook her head.

"We don't have it," I groaned to Carlisle.

He sighed. "Well, I don't know what to tell you, Edward."

I hung up the phone violently and stood up, making Jacob jerk forward. He snarled at me. "Bella! You don't have the key?" That was louder than I wanted it . . .

She looked afraid. "I'm sorry, I didn't think about that! B-but, I'm sure my dad has it."

"Call him," Jacob moaned.

With shaking hands, she did just that.

_I hate you, bloodsucker. And you smell like rotting liver_. _I hope you die a slow and painful death_._ And I also hope that Bella figures out what a creep you are. You practically stalk her. Have you ever noticed how short a leash you've put her on? She's suffocating, bloodsucker . . . _

Jacob's thoughts kept ringing in my head. I winced.

"Charlie? You know your handcuffs? Do you happen to have the key? . . . Yeah . . . um . . . I kind of handcuffed Jacob and Edward together. But . . . are you sure? There was . . . no . . . yeah . . . yeah, I understand . . . yeah . . . don't worry . . . it's okay . . . yeah, I'll tell 'im." She hung up the phone and looked at us sheepishly.

"So?" We said at the same time.

She shrugged. "They got new handcuffs because the keys didn't work right. There . . . is no key."

Our eyes widened but she put her hands up.

"B-b-b-but at least n-n-not yet. They can make another."

_You hear that, bloodsucker? She's scared to death of you! Look at her stutter. Jeez, Cullen, do you threaten her? That's why she stays with you! Because she's afraid of what you'd do if she leaves! Your sick, Cullen, and you know what? __If you weren't such a monster, then maybe . . ._

I couldn't finish the thoughts and I looked at Bella again, I made my face unreadable.

* * *

I left Bella's house, with Jacob dragging behind.

_You stupid fat head, where do I sleep?_

I shrugged as I stepped into my Volvo.

_I'm not staying in a house of Vampires. _

Jacob climbed over me to sit in the passenger side.

"Well, I can't go to La Push."

_I know, stupid, that's why I'm asking._

I started the car.

_You suck, Cullen, you know that? Why can't we take my car?_

I snorted. "I'm not riding in your car. That belongs on your mommy's refrigerator, not the road."

_That wasn't funny, Cullen._

"Why would I want to amuse you, mongrel?"

_Trust me; you do it when you don't try. Like that shirt. Did your mom buy it for you? Jeez, talk about dorky._

"At least I wear a shirt."

_Oh, you know you like it._

I winced. "You're disgusting."

_And __you're__ freakishly pale, and I'm sure it frightens people._

I rolled my eyes and sped the car up just to make him uncomfortable.

And as we arrived at my house, I glowered at Jacob.

_Your house is ugly_

"So is your face." I growled as I stepped out, wincing at how Jacob had to step over my seats with his gross shoes.

Alice stepped out of the door when she heard my car, and her eyes were wide. "Edward?" She blurred up to me and Jacob. "You brought home a stray. You know, Edward, you can't keep him. He probably has an owner. Let's check for a tag." She smiled, but when she noticed the handcuffs, her mouth dropped. "Uh . . . Edward?"

"Long story," I pulled Jacob forward to the house, but I turned back to her, "How couldn't you see this earlier?"

She shrugged. "It's not like I'm sitting on the couch all day staring into space. I have other priorities."

"I'M HANDCUFFED TO A WEREWOLF!" I roared.

"Oh, we can fix this," Alice snorted as she gripped the chain and pulled. She winced as nothing happened. "Uh . . . E-Edward?"

I didn't bother to explain so I simply said, "Ask Carlisle," and I dragged Jacob into the house.

_I hate you Cullen. Your house is ugly. I hate you._

I ignored him.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Edward's POV**

It's a wonder how Bella is so smart, and is friends with someone so . . .

_Cullen, hand me the fries . . . or die._

I rolled my eyes and did what he asked. How could he eat this junk? And I hated it more now that he has to eat this drive through junk in my Volvo.

"Okay, Jacob, now it's my turn to eat."

With a mouthful of hamburger, Jacob looked at me slowly. "Do you want to get a little kitten at the pet store, bloodsucker?" He said, letting some crumbs fall into my seats.

He could've said that in his mind, but I knew that he wanted me to be disgusted by what's currently going on in his mouth.

"No, I need to hunt."

He rolled his eyes.

_Why don't you get blood from the butcher shop, or whatever?_

"It's better when it's warm." I showed my teeth.

_Ew__, Cullen. _

I opened the door of the Volvo and stepped out onto the trail where I just drove. Jacob was pulled along, spilling his fries on my seats. I winced but pulled him farther.

_Agh let me at least finish my food._

And as we walked into the forest, I heard a deer walking a few yards away. "Shh . . ." I whispered.

"What'd you say, Edward Cullen? Do you hear _food_ coming?" Jacob screamed. The deer ran away.

_Oops, sorry._

In his mind, he was being sarcastic.

I waited a little longer, frustrated out of my mind, until I heard another animal. I didn't give any impression that I wanted Jacob to be quiet, so he didn't know to scare the deer away again.

So without hesitating, I lunged past one of the trees, letting Jacob fly behind. I pushed the deer to the ground and bit it fiercely on the neck immediately.

_Ow_, _I hit a tree!_

I ignored him and sucked.

Jacob grunted.

_Do you mind? This is . . . _

He gagged out loud.

_You know, Cullen, that deer probably had parents. __A husband . . . two little kids.__Sally and little Timmy.__ So they'll come home from soccer practice and ask their dad . . . Fred . . . where their mommy is. And Fred will say that she was killed by a vampire._

I swallowed and looked at Jacob, annoyed. "The more you talk—or think—the longer it'll take for me to finish."

He rolled his eyes.

_I feel the fries coming back . . . _

"Jacob, please. I'm thirsty."

_And ugly_.

As the deer became dry, I looked back up to Jacob.

_EW . . . you are . . . that is . . . oh my . . . __ew__."_

_"_I'm done." I rolled my eyes.

_Good, 'cause you're ugly and fat and you are stupid._

"Jacob, you are rude and arrogant."

_And you are a fat pineapple._

Finally full, I stood up, and with my shoe, I pushed the deer away. Jacob looked at me, his nose crinkled in disgust.

_Um, __ew_

Ew? He thinks my eating a deer is ew? Has he smelled _himself_ lately? I didn't notice it, but I was holding my breath almost the entire time I was with him.

So as I pulled Jacob back to the Volvo, Jacob started thinking again.

_Edward, again I ask. WHERE DO I SLEEP, FATTY?_

I shrugged as I opened my car door. "In the car?"

_No! It smells like vampire!_

Shrugging, I stepped in, letting Jacob climb over me again.

_We'll get a motel room._

My eyes widened and I slowly looked at him, so disgusted, I think the blood I just consumed would come back up.

_NOT LIKE THAT!_

Gently, I shook my head and looked forward again.

_You suck. I-I, you like- no __ew__, that, like, no, __ew__, um, __ew__, I HATE YOU, CULLEN!_

With my eyebrows pressed hard together, I stomped on the gas and the car flew forward. I knew Jacob didn't mean it like that, but hearing it gives me chills.

"I'm not getting a motel room with you, gay person."

I mentally laughed at how his face turned red and he banged his head against the dashboard. "I so didn't mean it like that. We would have two beds, ugly, fat, disgusting, MAN! You have a sick mind." He screamed.

I laughed out loud this time and slowed down, arriving at an Inn. "Okay, but you promise not to leave me after tonight?"

He twitched. "I. Hate. You."

I put my hand on my heart. "I thought we had something special!"

He made a face.

I stepped out of the car and while Jacob dragged behind, I walked into the Inn. A lady smiled at us as we entered. "One room, please."

With an uncomfortable face, she looked at the two of us. "Um . . . okay."

"WITH TWO BEDS!" Jacob growled.

She giggled. "Of course." She handed me a key, and I handed her my credit card.

The room was way too swanky, but that wasn't what made me wince. It was the fact that I was in a motel room with Jacob.

EW

But I digress, I was the one that's putting up with it. I glowered at the clock, for it said midnight.

Jacob pushed me aside and laid on one of the beds. But he groaned and looked at me. I was sitting on the floor to the left of the bed, and that meant that he was on his stomach.

_HEY BLOODSUCKER!_

I groaned and looked at him.

_I can't sleep on my stomach. It gives me gas._

I cocked my head and looked at him again. "How does that give you gas?"

_I don't know, fatty. Go to the other side of the bed. _

I glanced to the right of the bed, where a side table lay. "I can't, there's table."

_Well, I can't sleep on my stomach._

"Well, too bad."

He rolled his eyes and began sleeping.

But 2:00 in the morning came _way _too soon. An enormous roar came from Jacob. I looked at him, my eyes wide. And when the smell came my way, my mouth dropped and I stood up quickly, running to the end of the room. He clunked along.

"OW! YOU RETARD, WHY'D YOU DO THAT?" Jacob barked.

I paused and looked for breath. "That was the most heinous thing I've ever smelt."

"Ex_cuse_ me, but can't say I didn't warn you."

I rolled my eyes, and when the stink somewhat dissolved, I walked back over to the right side of the bed, and attempted pushing the side table away, but it was nailed down, and I didn't want to be charged for breaking it.

"Okay, genius. Just sleep on the floor, I can't move the table."

_I aint sleeping on the floor._

I rolled my eyes and realized that he wasn't going to back down, so I walked back over to the left side of the bed and held my breath. Jacob smiled and fell asleep on the bed.

An hour later, a louder roar pierced a hole through me. I couldn't stand this. Without thinking, I simply sat on the bed next to him and turned him over so he was on his back.

This looks really, really wrong.

Emmett and Jasper can _never_ know that I'm in bed with a werewolf.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Edward's POV**

_His smell makes me quiver_

_His voice makes me shiver_

_Many cower when he arrives_

_Others just break out in hives_

_He doesn't deserve my Bella_

_This bloodsucker is a __horrible__ and stupid kind of __fella_

"Oh Jacob, will you shut up?" I growled as I walked into the grocery store.

He shrugged innocently. "What? I didn't say anything."

"Well, anyways, what did your father say we needed again?"

With Jacob's free hand, he looked at a crumpled up list. "Eggs, milk, his special ointment," he put air quotes with his free hand for that last word, "grapes, sesame seeds, and a "No Vampires On Lawn" sign."

I rolled my eyes and grabbed a basket.

Billy became aware of the handcuffs a little after it first happened. Now, I've been stuck to this dog for 27 hours, nine minutes, and seventeen seconds. Wait, eighteen.

Anyways, since we haven't been able to go to La Push, Billy's needed extra service. As far as the whole "where is the stupid mutt supposed to sleep" situation, we've come up with a plan. We both commit suicide. Well, actually, that was Jacob's suggestion. And actually, I was the only one supposed to die. I just edited it.

Now Bella is a different story. She is going out of her mind waiting for the copy of the key to come in…well only when we're around. I assume she likes seeing us like this.

But what's really making me mad, is that I have to go to school this morning, after the store. Normally, I would just not show up, but I do indeed care about my grade, and we have finals today.

Jacob skulked up to the soda aisle and grabbed a liter of Mountain Dew.

I shook my head. "That's not on the list."

He looked up to me, his expression grave. "I don't care. We're getting this Mountain Dew."

I took the liter from him and put it back on the shelf. "No, don't make me get your father involved."

Jacob rolled his eyes and grabbed another liter of soda. I grabbed it, and began pulling.

_LET GO_.

I was afraid to put a hole in the bottle, so I did, and Jacob put it into the basket.

_Ha __ha_, _once again, werewolf defeats vampire_. _Wait, bloodsucker, have you ever seen Dracula? _

Jacob continued rambling in his mind, but I did my best to ignore him, and I walked up to get the milk, letting him stumble behind.

_I hate you, bloodsucker_

Jacob sang.

_Ooh, have you ever seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer? I love that show. It's just so neat how the wooden stake stabs the heart. _

"Jacob, please stop your childish antics, it's getting on my nerves."

_Goo __goo__Gah__gah_

After we left the grocery store, I began driving home. And once we were out of the supermarket parking lot, I turned on the radio to the jazz station. Jacob rolled his eyes.

"Ew, how can you listen to this?" He groaned.

"It centers me," I simply stated as I turned it up, but Jacob caught my hand.

_It's loud enough_.

I sighed and pulled up to school, and dragged Jacob out.

_Where're we going, fat head?_

"School."

"No!" He complained. "I don't wanna sit through seven hours at school!"

I shrugged and hid the hand cuffs under my coat. "It might go quickly if you cooperate."

_Cooperate? Is that just another word for "do your bidding?"_

I cocked a brow and looked at him, but soon Mike ran up to us.

"Cullen, is this that guy who looked like he was about to beat you up?"

In translation, from his thoughts was as followed

_Are you guys holding hands?_

But Jacob chuckled at the 'beat you up' part.

"Oh, he was never going to beat me up." I turned to face Jacob. "He's a good little boy."

Mike laughed and looked at our hands again. "Um…are you guys like a couple now?"

I winced but Jacob exploded. "NO, YOU FAT MISERABLE EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN!" and you know what? He blew our cover and showed the handcuffs.

I know it wouldn't really be _all that bad_ if someone saw that we were handcuffed together, but it's not really something that I love to go around advertizing.

"Oh wow!" Mike laughed.

"Yeah, it's remarkable." Jacob grunted as the bell rang.

I staggered to my first class.

The teacher looked at us questionably as we walked in.

"Who are you?" She started when she looked at the werewolf attached to me.

"I'm Jacob, and you are?"

I rolled my eyes.

She was a little surprised at his boldness. "I'm the teacher, and I would like to know why you're here. You're not one of my students."

I cringed and Jacob began to stutter.

"I'm … uh … auditing."

I rolled my eyes again.

"Not in a high school classroom. Out."

Oh well, at least we tried . . .

"I love your dress, beautiful." Jacob winked at her.

My eyes widened.

She was appalled.

"It fits your curves perfectly." Jacob made an hourglass shape with his free hand.

"Jacob, no." I mumbled under my breath.

Her eyes were wide and she crossed her arms. "I have you know that we run a very respectable school, here, and we don't appreciate this type of audacity."

"Whatever you say."

Blindly, I grabbed the back of Jacob's too-long hair and pulled.

_OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW_

I pulled him out of the classroom and stared at him as we reached the parking lot. I didn't notice it, but I was also developing a mild twitch.

"Jacob that was my teacher."

He grinned. "Oops, do you think that you might get in trouble for that?"

I took in a deep breath, and although I didn't need it, I now felt like I did.

"Maybe."

_Good_!

"Okay, so school is a no-go."

_Yup, but oh well. I didn't want to stay there all that time anyways._

My eyes widened at him. "Is that why you hit on my teacher?"

He shrugged. "Yeah."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Edward's POV**

With disgust, I stared at Jacob. Bella is really going mad if she stands this vile, mediocre…person.

_Cullen, I'm bored._

I rolled my eyes and got back to my book. I assumed a library would be a nice place to go. Jacob would have an excuse to keep quiet. But I forgot about the whole, mind reading stuff.

"Get a book." I whispered to him.

_I don't like to read._

"Or you don't know how…" I mumbled under my breath, half wanting him to hear, half just not wanting to make a scene.

_I wanna go to the state fair._

I sighed. The state fair was indeed in town today, and Jacob's been rambling on about it. He's just so childish sometimes. Wait, excuse me, he's childish all the time.

"No." I growled.

_PLEASE_

"No."

_PLEASE_

"No."

_PLEASE_

"No."

_PLEASE_

"FINE!" I growled. The librarian turned to me and shushed me.

_Okay_

Now I was mentally banging my head on the table in front of me as hard as I could.

As we arrived in Port Angeles for the fair, I growled, but Jacob was too busy throwing balls at bottles to get a prize I could buy at the store for a penny.

_Oh yeah! I am so amazing._

He won a stuffed giraffe.

But just when I thought that it couldn't get much worse, he looked forward in amazement.

"OH God!" He laughed.

I looked to where he was and groaned.

An enormous Ferris wheel was what he was fawning over.

"We're not going on it."

_PLEASE_

"No."

_PLEASE_

"No."

_PLEASE_

"No."

_PLEASE_

"FINE!" I growled.

We walked up to it, and got on one of the seats. I rolled my eyes numerous times as our seat rose to the top. And soon, when we got to the very top, it stopped. I snapped my head all around.

"What's happening?" I barked.

Jacob looked down and then back at me.

_It looks like there are some technical difficulties._

I twitched. "What do you mean? Technical difficulties?"

I zeroed into the mind of the people below.

_Dang it. The wires short circuited. We're going to have to call an __electrician_

"UGH!" I squeezed the bar in front of us so tightly in frustration that it turned to dust. Jacob watched annoyed.

"What happened?"

"Wires short circuited."

He looked back over the seat. "Well, at least we've got a great view."

I snarled at him.

"What? I'm just saying."

"The view is disgusting and chaotic."

"Well, I guess that you're a glass half empty kind of person."

I snorted. "This was your idea to come up here, so you better hope that they let us down quickly."

_What's that supposed to mean, bloodsucker? Do you have an appointment, or something that you're late to? Do you have some kind of growth that needs to be removed?_

_"_Jacob, don't be a nuisance," I paused, "or more of a nuisance that you already are."

_I resent that_.

Rolling my eyes, I looked back over the seat. The people on the ground's thoughts jumbled.

_I hope anyone doesn't get too mad . . . _

_It looks like these kids are going to be stuck up here for a couple hours_

_Will they sue?_

"Ugh, two hours," I mumbled to Jacob.

"Two hours. Dang."

"This is _all_ your fault, Jacob!"

_Well, God, it's not like I was the one that made the wires go nuts._

"Yeah, well you did make me come up here."

_I did not! I asked you to, you could've said no._

"I did!"

_Yeah, but you said yes, too._

"You were bugging me."

_You didn't have to listen._

"It was hard not to." I shivered. "It's such an annoying voice."

_I wonder what Bella's doing . . . _

"Hey, stop that."

_What? I'm just saying that she's probably thinking of me. But you wouldn't know, would you?_

I elbowed him in the ribs, unsure at how hard it was…

"ARGH!" He squealed.

Now he put his face in his hands and made whimpering sounds.

_Ow . . . _

Hoping that I didn't make him cry, I sighed and tried to get a look at his face. But he kept it covered. "Jacob, are you alright?" I started, strictly out of courtesy.

_That really . . . really hurt, bloodsucker._

"I'm sorry." God, it's painful to say that.

_Ow . . . _

"Jacob, I . . ."

There was a sniffling sound.

_It's . . . ow . . ._

"I'm sorry; you were just making me mad."

_So what? You-you elbow me? Violence doesn't s-solve anything._

There was a louder sniffle sound.

"C'mon, Jacob, I'm sorry."

There was a pause.

_For what?_

I ground my teeth. "For elbowing you."

Another pause.

_And?_

"And what? I didn't do anything else!"

_You took my love away from me!_

"Oh, Jacob." I growled, annoyed.

_What? It hurts. I mean, what if you just moved here, and you met Bella, but she was already with me, huh? How'd you feel?"_

I tightened my grip on the side of the seat, making it crunch, but I ignored it, and looked behind us. "Not good, I suppose."

_Thank you._

There was another sniffling sound, but this one was louder than all the other ones. With my free hand, I pulled Jacob's hand away to reveal and huge grin.

"He he, you fell for it." Jacob smiled.

"You are so obnoxious, mongrel."

"But the elbow hurt. It was really mean, and I'm telling my dad."

"Oh my God, you are such a child."

_Well you're a fart face._

I rolled my eyes and slumped in my chair, zoning in once again to the minds of those below us.

_Sweet, we got it fixed. A couple more adjustments and . . . _

The Ferris wheel began again, and we went down.

_Finally_.

"Thank you, good Lord." I looked up heavenward.

_Um, I don't think the Lord wants to talk to you, bloodsucker._

"Shut up, Scooby."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**Edward's POV**

Pulling Jacob's useless body along, I walked up to Bella's doorstep.

_I have a question, bloodsucker. Do you even shower? __Because you seem to smell worse each day._

"Jacob, please." I rang the doorbell.

And immediately, like she was watching through the window, Bella opened the door.

"I'm so, so, so sorry! I didn't mean to!"

Jacob walked in, this time pulling _me_ along. "No, it's okay. Me and bloo- I mean, me and Edward have gotten close lately."

I raised my eyebrows in astonishment, but when Bella snapped her head to me, with a huge smile wiped on her face, I settled my expression to be calmer.

"Really?" She chirped, her face turning red with excitement.

_Say yes, fat head, SAY YES!_

"Yeah," I started uneasily.

_I said say yes, not yeah, idiot!_

"Yes." I finished.

"Oh my God!" Bella looked heavenward. "I can't believe it!"

"Yeah, it's great." My voice was uneven as I tried to not look her in the eye.

Jacob lifted up his cuffed hand and tried to put it around my shoulder, but both of our arms rose and it looked stupid.

"I'm so glad! I can't tell you how glad I am, Edward, Jacob." Bella was on the verge of crying.

She looked back at me, but that's when I noticed that Bella's eyes were red from_ already_ crying. I winced. "What's wrong? Were you . . . were you crying, Bella?"

She shook her head and tried to build her smile back up. "Well . . . I just aced my finals. But that's all."

Jacob and my eyes widened. "What?" We said at the same time.

"Oh. . . no biggie."

"Bella . . . I'm so happy for you." I said.

"I'm happier, Bella."

I rolled my eyes, angry at the fact that he couldn't wait for the Jacob remarks until another time.

"Yeah, well, it's okay." She sniffled.

"Well, why were you crying?" I wiped some hair from her face.

"…I was just so happy!" She now admitted that she was happy about this.

I smiled at her so impressed. So I walked up to her to give her a kiss, but at the same time, Jacob approached to give her a hug. Immediately, I realized that I kissed Jacob on the cheek.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Jacob and I screamed.

With my vampire speed and his werewolf speed, we ran in different directions, panicking. We snapped back from the handcuffs and fell on the floor.

"OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!" I screamed.

"ARGH! EW, EW, EW, EW, EW, EW, EW, EW, EW, EW!!!!!" Jacob wiped his cheek of violently.

So hard it would've peeled a human's lips off, I wiped at mine.

"Oh God, EW, SH- OH GOD, I, EW, oh GOD EW!" I screamed.

"AH AH !!!!!!!! EW OH MY GOD, AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

Now we screamed at the top of our lungs at the same time. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"YOU SICKO, WHY'D YOU _DO_ THAT?!" Jacob was now beginning to cry.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO!"

Jacob scrambled up from the floor, pulling me up as well and shook his finger at me. "NO! You meant for this to happen. What with the motel room . . ."

Bella put up her hand. "Motel room?"

"Long story," I told her, but then I looked back to Jacob annoyed. "And I didn't plan this, you sick, evil little man."

"BUT YOU KISSED ME!" He started, tears now actually bursting from his eyes.

Great, he reminded me. I made a face. "OHHHHH GOD!"

We faced each other and started screaming again.

I blurred over to the kitchen, making him tumble behind and I turned on the faucet, and I put my mouth under it. Jacob took the dish soap next to the faucet and started pumping it violently. And when most of the bottle was in his palm, he wiped it all over his face.

I slushed the water inside my mouth quickly, and in anger, I spit it out on Jacob's soapy face.

"Ugh!" He growled as he rubbed his soapy hand on my face.

I splashed my face again with the water and kicked Jacob in the shin.

He bent down. "OW!"

_I hate you CULLEN!_

Bella walked up to us. "Hey, what about all of that, 'friend' stuff I heard earlier?"

Jacob and I looked at each other and then back at her.

"Well, we're uh . . ." Jacob looked at the floor. "Doing a skit for a play thing. And . . . Edward's character has to actually kiss my character. And . . . then we were just .. . uh performing."

She crossed her arms with an, _I'm not buying it, _face.

"Then do it again."

We stared at each other. "Do . . . what again?" I stuttered.

She smiled. "The whole thing."

I put my mouth under the faucet and spit in Jacob's face again.

_YOU SUCK!_

Jacob wiped his face on his shirt.

"I meant!" Bella walked up to us. "The whole thing."

Without wanting to face the truth, Jacob wiped his soapy hands on my face again.

"Ugh!" I pushed his hand away.

"THE. WHOLE. THING."

I kicked Jacob in the shin again.

"Jacob, Edward, you know what I'm talking about."

I looked to the clock. "We can't, I have to be somewhere."

"Oh yeah, yeah, he has this growth on his back that needs to be removed." Jacob so helpfully added.

She tapped her foot, frustrated. "Vampires don't get growths."

"They do when Edward's as unsanitary as he _is_."

I kicked him in the shin again.

"Stop!" He growled.

"Okay, fine. Go get your "growth" removed. I'll just be here, and laugh at how stupid you two looked and how funny it was when you kissed Jacob."

Jacob and I began screaming again, and as fast as I think I ever was, I ran out of the room, pulling Jacob along and maybe hitting his head on the doorstop. But he deserved it.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 **this chapter is continued to chapter 7**

**Edward's POV**

I pushed the gas pedal further when I heard him think again.

_So should we go to the mall?_

I shrugged, still looking ahead. "I don't know."

_Did she tell you that she wanted anything in particular?_

I snorted. "No. But I don't think I would know what to get her. The gifts I got her for her last birthday was a bust. I know she didn't like it. Or . . . didn't care. She's just so preoccupied with getting older than me that she can't think about anything else."

_Wow, you're pompous. _

I winced. "Why?"

_How do you know that _that's_ all she cares about? She has other priorities. And who knows? Maybe the gift you got her last year just plain wasn't what she likes._

"I got her plane tickets to see her mother. And besides, I know she has other priorities. She's a very complex person."

_Yeah. How she tolerates you is complex._

"Whatever. I suppose we should go to . . ." I slowed the car down a little to see the stores I was passing. "Would she want . . . like a CD player, or something?"

_A CD player?__ That's the best you can think of? Why don't you get her a laptop?_

I shook my head. "She would never accept something like that."

_Or you would never want to pay for it_.

I snorted. "I would buy her a car if she let me."

He rolled his eyes.

_Whatever you say to make yourself feel better._

Despite his stupidity, I pulled into the parking lot of Costco. He shifted in his seat.

"Ooh, I know what I want to get her. A brand new desk."

_A desk?__ She doesn't want a desk! I mean, come ON! She's a teenage girl. And I don't think that she'd want __a DESK for her nineteenth birthday._

"Well she could use a new one. Hers is way too small, and she's even complained about it. And trust me, it takes a lot to make her complain."

"I _know_ that. I bet I even know her better than you."

I stepped out of the car and Jacob walked over my seats again. Soon we were inside the store, and I immediately pulled over to the desks. But Jacob stopped me and pulled his cell phone from his pocket.

He dialed.

"Bella? It's Jacob, and me and the fathead . . . I mean me and Edward are buying your gifts right now. Is there anything we should know? Like anything you _don't_ want for a present? Desk," he coughed that last word, but Bella didn't hear.

"Uh . . ." I heard her say from the other line. "You guys don't have to. Really. But . . . did I hear you say gift_s_?"

"Oh, one gift from me, and one from him."

There was a pause. "Really, I don't need a . . . gift. And definitely not gift_s._"

"Bella, you're getting a gift whether you like it or not."

She sighed. "Fine. But I'd like it better if you buy one gift together. There'd be a special bond."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Fine."

He hung up the phone and looked to me.

_I assume you eavesdropped._

I nodded with a grin.

"I saw desk over there." I pointed to the direction I was headed earlier.

He gave in and followed.

There were many that she would pick out herself, but they wouldn't be what she really _liked_. It's hard when she doesn't always show you what she likes. She _buys_ cheap and sturdy. Obviously, money isn't an issue, but if she saw some dinky scrap of metal that costs more than a car, then she'd order me to take it back. So I did my best to determine what would make her forget about her being nineteen, and me still being seventeen.

Soon, though, I found a metal and glass one that was big and had plenty of shelf space above. A wide smile came across my face.

I pointed to it. "There. It's absolutely perfect."

He looked and a smile couldn't help but show up on his face as well. "Hmm . . . not bad, bloodsucker."

Wow. Did I just get . . . a compliment? From Jacob Black?

And after we got all of the figures from an employee, we took the number of the desk down, and walked up the cashier.

He looked at the number. "Okay," he walked to where the desks were and pulled out a large box. "There you go." He handed it to us.

"Um . . ." I started. "Can we have the model? You know the one that's already assembled."

The cashier cringed. "Um . . . we would if that was the last one, or if the design was being cancelled. But really, it's not that hard to put it together."

I rolled my eyes, paid, and walked out of the store. Jacob put the box in my trunk for me, and I reluctantly stepped in the car, forcing Jacob to again climb over me.

"So we have to build a desk together . . ." I started.

He groaned. "We should've gotten her a CD player."

I rolled my eyes. "The desk will be good."

After about ten minutes of Jacob thinking stuff like, "I hate you" or whatever, we finally arrived at Bella's house. Alice had reluctantly agreed to not throw her a party, but she was coming over later today to say happy birthday. Bella's at the Newton's sport store, and during the ride, Jacob had to call Charlie and tell him that we needed to assemble the desk there. And since it was Jacob who called, Charlie of course said yes.

I parked in the driveway, took the box and walked onto the porch with Jacob stumbling behind. He rang the doorbell.

"Jacob!" Charlie smiled. "Edward."

_Stupid punk, what are you doing here? Oh yeah, the handcuffs. Poor Jacob has to put up with you all day . . ._

_"_So we have Bella's present right here!" Jacob patted the box in my hands.

"Ah! The desk! Come in, come in."

We did as he said, and I set the box down on the living room floor.

"Okay." Charlie grabbed his vest from the side table. "I have to go the station. Sorry I'm leaving you here, but I trust you'll hold up the fort, Jacob . . . Edward."

I nodded with a forced smile, and opened the box as Charlie stepped out.

With Jacob's free hand, he grabbed the instruction manual.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 Chapter 6 continued

**Edward's POV**

I scratched my head and stared at the manual.

_What's the Part A screw?_

I looked around in the bag of tools that came in the box and pointed to the smallest one. "That."

He nodded and grabbed it, while I grabbed a hammer from Charlie's toolbox and started hammering one of the nails into wood piece C. "Jacob, hold the nail down, would you?"

He rolled his eyes and did what I asked. And extremely uncharacteristic of me, I hit Jacob's fingers with the hammer.

"OOOWW!!!" He stood up, pulling me along with him. "My FIN_GERRRRRRRR!_"

"Whoops."

He growled and grabbed a screwdriver from the toolbox and hurled it at me. It hit my shoulder and broke in two. "That's Charlie's." I informed him glumly.

Now he was mad, so he did what actually scared me. He transformed into a werewolf. And it's worse being two feet from it.

"Whoa, there, buddy, calm down."

He snarled and lunged at me—which wasn't far—and pushed me to the ground. I hissed and kicked his foot to make him lower, and I rolled him over so I was on top. He stood up and ran with me to the wall and pressed me against it, making a horribly loud sound.

I pushed him back so he hit the opposite wall; unfortunately, we hit a lamp and a painting on the wall in the process. I punched him in the face.

Growling, he pushed me down, but I was only snapped back up from the handcuffs.

And what seemed like thirty seconds later, or perhaps 3 hours, I heard the door open and Bella walk in. I let my grip on Jacob's neck go, and I faced her sheepishly.

She looked up to the ceiling all dramatic, "Happy birthday, Bella." She said to herself.

"Bella, I . . ." I began while Jacob changed back to human form. Naked.

"MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed as I covered my eyes. "MY POOR EYES! AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"OH GOD!" Jacob ran over to the kitchen and grabbed a dish rag and covered everything. My eyes were throbbing right now, and I was leaning as far away from Jacob as I could possibly manage.

"OHHH MY SWEET LORD, WHY? WHY?" I screamed heavenward.

If I could cry, I would be now. My eyes were literally stinging.

"THAT WAS THE MOST HEINOUS THING I'VE EVER SEEN!" I screeched.

_Oh god, oh God oh GOD!_

Bella just stood in the doorway, twitching. "Wow." She gulped. "Ew."

"MERCIFUL ZEUS! WHY DO YOU SMITE ME?"

Now I just started screaming at the wall in front of me, too afraid to look back at Jacob.

"Jacob, I'll get you some of my dad's clothes." Bella ran up the stairs as fast as I ever think she has.

"Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!'

There was a pause while I tried to catch up on breath. "You perve." Jacob growled.

My eyes widened. "That was the most traumatizing experience of my life!"

Now, I cringed my teeth so hard, my gums actually started to hurt.

Bella ran back down stairs with a shirt and pants in her hands. I blurred up to her, making Jacob drag behind. I snatched the clothes from her and threw them at Jacob without looking.

Immediately, he threw them on. But even though I knew he was fully dressed, I didn't look. I honestly felt like I was going to throw up.

"That. Was. The. Most. Gruesome. Horrible. Disgusting. Hideous. Abhorrent. Repulsive. Thing. I. Have. Ever. Seen. In. My. Entire. Life." I twitched uncontrollably.

"Okay, guys." Bella held up her hand. "It was no big deal. Edward, don't be such a drama queen. And Jacob . . . don't change back to human form in front of people. Understand?"

"Yes ma'am." We said at the same time.

She then looked over to what _was_ at one point, her desk. She winced. "Is that my present?"

Sheepishly, we nodded.

"You . . . um trashed my house."

Now we looked around, seeing that _trashed my house_ was a pretty good description. "I'm sorry, so sorry Bella."

She shook her head with a smile. "Oh that's okay. But I have something to tell you."

We looked at each other, and then back at her.

"What?"

She snatched out two pieces of paper from her back pocket and smiled venomously. We stepped back instinctively and waited for her to stop staring at us like that. I was almost scared, now. But Jacob's . . . bareness . . . came back into my head, and I winced.

"You two are going white water rafting together."

"What?" We repeated.

She laughed. "Mike and his mom got me two admissions for white water raft lessons, and a go on the river by Port Angeles."

"Well, they're you're tickets, you should use them." I added.

She shook her head. "I would die out there, and I was about to give it to Charlie and his buddies, but I figured you two would be the perfect candidates for some bonding."

_We don't need to bond; we need to rip each other's throats out._

"So guys, what do you say?" She smiled and held up the tickets higher.

I sighed and looked at the floor.

"I don't wanna." Jacob growled, still embarrassed at what horrors my eyes had just seen.

"Jacob." Bella complained, letting the tickets lower in her hand.

"Bella, I don't want to."

She pulled her eyebrows together and stuck out her bottom lip. "Please?"

He smiled. "Okay!"

Bella laughed at that and then looked to me, her expression hopeful—probably thinking that I was going to break as easily as Jacob.

"Edward?" She began.

She stuck out her bottom lip, and just like Jacob . . .

"Fine."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 Continued to Chapter 9

**Edward's POV**

I looked to Jacob, frustrated, and then back down at the tickets in glove compartment. Jacob says that white water rafting would be fun. Gag.

I mean, I guess it might. I've seen people doing it on TV. Usually they die. But that's not exactly what I'm afraid of. And technically, I'm not _afraid_, afraid. I'm just mad. Being handcuffed to a dog, _seeing_ that dog . . . no, Edward, don't think about that while you're driving. But anyways, white water rafting is basically more than I can handle right now.

_I'm bored. Let's turn up the radio. AND LET'S NOT LISTEN TO THAT SISSY CRAP YOU USUALLY LISTEN TO!_

"Jacob, the music I listen to isn't sissy. It's beautiful and calming."

_Whatever_.

He stuck his grimy hand out and started playing with my radio. He passed a few statics until he arrived at a station. It was playing . . . party like a chalk car?

"Jacob, please, I need to focus on my driving. And that'd be a lot easier if this junk wasn't blasting in my car."

He gasped. "Party like a rock star isn't junk."

Oh rock star. That makes more sense.

"Well, it's distracting." I retorted.

"No it's not."

"Okay, this is matter of opinion, I suppose."

_And your opinion is wrong._

I growled.

He put up his hands in surrender. "Just saying."

Now I began driving up the dirt road to where the river was. We were supposed to meet over in front of it. There'd be a cabin where the students set up.

I parked next to a Ford, and stepped out after Jacob climbed over me again.

There was a middle aged man standing in front of the cabin. His hair was a slight gray, and he was wearing unappealing shorts that showed his freakish knees. But despite his wardrobe, he harbored a happy smile which made me less anxious.

His thoughts weren't as weird as a lot of other people's either.

_Oh boy, I sure hope these students do well. Ooh, look there's two. Whoa, how tall is that one tan feller? Dang I hope he doesn't step on me . . . I better go greet them._

And that's what he did. As friendly as he probably could manage, he walked up to us and stuck out his hand. I shook it, while Jacob just looked around.

"Greetings, fellow white water rafters!" He laughed.

"Good afternoon, sir."

"Are you ready for your lesson?"

I looked over to Jacob and motioned with my head for him to come. "Yeah, we sure are." I handed him the two tickets.

He smiled. "Good, c'mon, we're just getting set up."

We now walked over to the cabin, where I saw about four other pairs tying their hiking boots and securing their packs. I looked down at my regular shoes, and clothes. But I was once again too sickened to look at Jacob.

"'K, y'all, whose ready for the some white water rafting?"

The other two pairs "whoo'd" but Jacob and I just smiled.

"Alright," the man began. "First we'll start with safety precautions, and then we'll practice in the raft, but on land, just so we know what to do. Does everyone have their buddies?"

Everyone nodded, but I just scrunched up my nose at the term, "buddy". I suppose for this . . . Jacob's mine. No, just don't think about it, and you'll be fine.

The man then looked at Jacob and I. "Um . . . are you two handcuffed together?"

We looked at each other and then back at him. "N-no," I began while glancing to the floor. "They're bracelets that just happen to get caught together, but we can get them off . . ."

The man smiled and shook his head. "Alright, as long as y'all are gonna be able to paddle."

We nodded and we all walked outside where one raft was laying just along the river.

The man walked quicker so he'd arrive at the raft first. And once he was there, he took out pieces of paper for all of us.

As we arrived, he passed them out, and we read.

It was all about where the first aid kit was, where the kit was to patch up a hole—if there is one—in the raft. Also, it was about the levels. There was level one, which was the hardest, and two, second hardest and so on. We're beginners so we're level four.

So I could get extra focus, I focused into the mind of them man. Nothing came up. I almost started thinking that maybe his mind is like Bella's, but I had read his earlier. I focused into one of the other students. Nothing came up. I tried Jacob's. Once again, nothing.

I put up my hand, said, "Excuse me, a moment," and stepped out of hearing distance so I could call Carlisle. It rang three times.

"Hello?" He answered.

"Carlisle, I can't read minds anymore."

There was a pause. "Um . . . do you still have your strength and speed?"

I looked behind me to make sure no one was watching, but got a little frustrated when I saw Jacob standing two feet from me, his foot tapping. I can't believe I almost forgot I was handcuffed to him.

But I just grabbed a rock from the ground and started squeezing. Nothing happened.

"No . . . I don't!" I started, a little more panic in my voice than I had hoped.

"Well, I may have the answer. Does Jacob look . . . fatter to you?"

I laughed and looked at him. "He always looks fat, I can't tell."

Jacob rolled his eyes.

"Well," Carlisle started. "I think that his wrist has gotten larger, and the metal would be more affecting. So they haven't just repelled your powers, but they made them disband. Well, only while its magnetic force is still increased in power."

"Huh?"

He slowed his voice. "You. No. More. Magic."

I rolled my eyes and snapped the phone shut to inform Jacob that his fatness made me powerless.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 **Chapter 8 continued**

**Edward's POV**

Annoyed after the two hours of useless lessons and the anxiety of me being powerless, I got into the raft with all the other students.

The teacher, who I now know as "Mr. Bill" stood up on the raft before we pushed it out. "Okay, now this course is very basic, so don't be afraid. If anyone has any trouble, holler my name. So . . . is everyone clear? If so, grab your paddles!"

Jacob and I grabbed one, and so did all of the others. Mr. Bill pushed the raft out and we started down the river.

Without my powers, it was torture pushing the paddle down the choppy waves. But somehow, I managed, this time, for once, me relying on the strength of the humans paddling with us. Now, as we began down our biggest drop, the raft hit the sharp edge of a rock. A large rip pushed us to the left. We all snapped our heads around.

Mr. Bill let go of his paddle and scrambled around in the _raft aid_ pack. Once it was in his hands, we hit another rock and they all fell out into the water. "Uh . . ." Mr. Bill stuttered as he looked from us to the river where our only string of hope fell.

Mr. Bill now stuck his hand in the water. We hit another rock, and he fell in. One of the men jumped in after, and then two of the women fell in, and the last man jumped to save them. I twitched.

Jacob let go of the paddle and reached out so he could grab someone, but they all floated to a single rock and grabbed on.

I took a tight grip on the paddle and began pushing down, while Jacob grabbed hold of the other paddle.

"What'd you do!?!?!?!?!"

I almost didn't answer him, I was so panicked. "_I_ didn't do anything, Shilo, it was the rock!"

And right when I thought it was all downhill from there, I saw the packet of supplies for the raft in the water. I grabbed it as quickly as possible and handed it to Jacob, for he was on the side of the rip.

He repaired the patch and grabbed his paddle again. We jerked to the left and almost flipped over. We began screaming.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" We both screamed as we came down the drop.

We slammed down on the raft and popped back up.

"EDWARD!!!!!!!" Jacob screamed as we hit a rock and wrenched back and forth.

"WHAT?!?!?!?" I screamed back.

"I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I PUT AN EGG UNDER THE BACKSEAT OF YOUR CAR SO THAT IT SMELL REALLY BAD WHEN IT GOT ROTTEN!"

I looked at him slowly. "THANKS!" I screamed so he could here, this thanks was definitely unenthusiastic.

The raft sped up and went down another drop. Water started flooding it and we started screaming again.

Rushing water splashed around us, hitting us like misters. The smell that happens after a rain was intensified all around here, and I winced as we pulled forward more and got soaked with the white water.

I could barely see, there was so much water in my eyes, so how I managed to keep up from flipping over was a mystery. Jacob's thoughts weren't in his head anymore, and was now in screaming form. Like, "OH MY GOD!!"

I pulled down on the paddle once more and tried to review the whole lesson over in my head. But somehow, I was barley listening through all of it. I suppose it's because of the anxiety of the fact that I had lost my powers.

Although it's weird calling them powers. I think I should put on a witches hat and gather around a cauldron, or something. But I couldn't find another synonym that moment, for the raft flipped over, and Jacob and I fell out.

I was definitely not used to swimming without superhuman strength.

Jacob and I were still screaming as we doggie paddled past the splashing waters. Many rocks hit us that we were too late to grab on too, and we grabbed on to many that were too small and pulled through the tide with us.

It was also difficult to swim with a seemingly two ton werewolf dragging you down. Although, he was probably the one keeping me from sinking.

No one must know that I had just said that.

I swam harder over to a larger rock, but the water just pulled us down farther. I couldn't help but let it pull me, like I was a twig. A useless twig handcuffed to a useless pile of poop.

Now the werewolf attached to me and the overpowering water wasn't the only thing slowing me down. It was the fact that the mud got thicker and I could barley move my arms to stop the pulling. The river, though, had no problem moving me through the muck.

A wave splashed over heads and I glanced to Jacob to see him gasping for air.

I almost felt sorry for him.

No one must know that I said that, either.

I looked around frantically for another rock that was coming up ahead, instead of where I was. I spotted a nice gray one covered in bugs. I didn't care and grabbed hold of it.

Jacob was still pulling backwards, so I held the harder so I wouldn't let go. And with Jacob not back in the flow of the water, he used all of his strength to swim to the rock.

I spotted another rock closer to the shore and swam. I reached it and did that until I pulled myself and the gasping Jacob ashore.

He wasn't gasping anymore.

I looked at him with wide eyes and felt the pulse in his neck. It was growing weak.

"Uh . . ." I looked around frantically and started pushing at his stomach. Nothing happened.

Trying to avoid what I might have to do, I started slapping Jacob silly. Nothing happened.

With a heavy stomach, I closed my eyes; squeezed Jacob's nose closed, and held his mouth open. I blew in. Nothing happened.

Now, I think I could've cried.

I blew harder and closer, a powerful chill coming down my spine as part of my lip touched his. I pulled away and pushed at his stomach. And although I looked stupid, my tongue was sticking out in disgust the entire time.

Water came out of his mouth and he started coughing. And as his eyes opened, he looked at me, his nose crinkled in disgust. "DID YOU JUST KISS ME?!?!" He screamed so loud it hurt my ears.

I was so disgusted, I almost couldn't find a breath—because for a while I felt like I need one—and I just shook my head. "That wasn't a kiss! IT WAS MOUTH TO MOUTH! I SAVED YOUR LIFE!!"

He scrambled away until the handcuffs wouldn't let him.

I looked to the ground, the strongest feeling that I would throw up harboring in my stomach.

I should've just let him drown.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

**Edward's POV**

I began typing in the Google search engine.

_How to get lips surgically removed_…

Ah, nothing.

A flashback of me seeing Jacob in the buff _and_ me having to give him . . . mouth to mouth resuscitation. I winced and looked back to Carlisle's computer.

For the millionth time today, I now stood up and walked over to the kitchen, where I rinsed my mouth with water. Sure the whole water rafting thing was yesterday, but I still have Jacob taste in my mouth.

I WANT THAT WEREWOLF TO DIE!

Now, Edward, don't think like that.

BUT I HATE JACOB!

Okay, Edward, you _dislike_ Jacob. You don't hate anyone.

I HATE HIM!

…Okay, I can't argue.

I looked over to Jacob, disgusted. Honestly, I really didn't want him in my house, but I just wanted to check the internet really quick. And since Jacob's fatness made me lose my powers, it took us twice the time to get down here. I looked at the fat bastard next to me.

"What?"

I almost didn't answer him; I was so disgusted by his face. "You're going on a diet."

He gasped and put his hand on his heart. "What are you saying, Edward? Are you calling me fat?"

"Yes, and then some."

"I am so not fat, FOR YOUR INFORMATION! And looks whose talking? You . . . fat, fat man!"

I rolled my eyes and just stared at my hands until the phone rang. I answered it quickly.

"Yes?"

"Edward?" Bella's voice sounded from the other line. "We have the key!"

My eyes widened. "WHAT? REALLY? OH MY GOD THAT'S GREAT!!"

Jacob pushed at my arm. "What's great?"

I shushed him and focused on Bella rambling.

"Yeah, Charlie just called from work and he said that he has it!! COME, COME, COME!!"

I smiled and hung up. I faced Jacob. "Let's go, she's got the key."

A smile spread across his face, and we both ran out of the house, and into my car. And this time, I didn't even care that he was walking over me to get to the passenger seat. I just started the car quickly, and started the car full speed.

Jacob was laughing the whole time as I sped over to Forks. Until . . .

I heard a police siren.

I took my foot off the gas and quickly hit the brake. Jacob flew forward, and I laughed.

But as a man dressed in blue walked up to the window, I swallowed.

"Edward?" Charlie asked.

I blinked and smiled at him. "Yes, Ch- Mr. Swan?"

"You were driving 90 in a 34. What were you thinking? Do you drive this reckless while my Bella's in the car? Hello Jacob." He smiled warmly for that last part.

"Hey, Charlie."

"Well," I started awkwardly, to answer Charlie's question. "I didn't see the sign . . ."

"THE SIGN IS THERE FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S PROTECTION!" He growled.

I looked forward. "I'm so sorry."

He shook his head, disappointed. "You're going to have to come downtown with me."

Jacob burst out laughing, and Charlie smiled, satisfied that he made his little buddy laugh.

"Mr. Swan, please . . ." I began.

"Are you arguing with me?" He barked as the smile faded.

I shook my head, my eyes wide.

"Then get out of the car!"

I did what he asked, and Jacob couldn't help but follow. "Oh yeah …" Charlie looked at our handcuffed hands. "Edward handcuffed you two together…"

"WH-!" I began, but he interrupted.

"That's really childish, young man. This poor boy had to be dragged around . . ."

Jacob nodded with a smile and innocent eyes. "Yeah, and he called me fat."

Charlie's eyes widened at me. "I- uh . . . it's just . . ."

"EDWARD!" Charlie growled. "Jacob, you are not fat. Edward, on the other hand . . ."

"And," Jacob started as he looked to me, disgusted. "He kissed me!"

Charlie stared at me, his eye twitching the slightest bit.

"I WAS GIVING HIM FREAKING CPR! I SAVED HIS LIFE!" I screamed, louder than I wanted it.

Charlie shook his head in disbelief. "Edward, whatever you are . . . don't you dare lead my Bella on if you're not _physically attracted to her_."

"But I am!" I started desperately, though it was awkward saying that to her father. "I really am, I swear! Jacob's lying!"

"Jacob doesn't lie." Charlie huffed.

"BUT I'M VERY PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO BELLA!! VERY!!"

Charlie and Jacob looked at me, disappointed.

"Edward," Jacob winced at me. "I don't think that's a very appropriate thing to say to her father."

I groaned. "I'm sorry, but I . . ."

Charlie held up his hand for me to stop. "Edward, just . . . please. Stop."

"Yeah, Edward." Jacob looked at me sternly. "You've said enough."

I blinked. "Okay, I didn't handcuff us together, it was BELLA! I SAVED JACOB'S LIFE!! AND I AM NOT GAY! I LOVE BELLA!!!!!" I growled in a voice I would use when I was trying to make Victoria scared.

They seemed unfazed and they just blinked at me.

"Edward . . . you still need to come downtown with me." Charlie looked to Jacob with a warm smile. "Do you mind tagging along? Bella has the key but we have another one at the station.

Jacob nodded with that same smile. "I'll do whatever's more convenient.

I was about to blow up. I swear, I was literally about to blow up.

And to keep from killing someone (although I probably couldn't at the moment) I clenched my fists and just stared at Charlie and Jacob, until Charlie stepped up to me and escorted me—and subsequently, Jacob—to his car. And as I sat in the backseat next to Jacob, I saw him stick his tongue out at me.

Charlie unlocked the handcuffs, and I thought that I'd be jumping off the walls, but Charlie just closed the iron bars on me.

_He __he__he__he__he_


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

**Edward's POV**

Jacob kept cackling at me as I stared at him through the bars. And when I couldn't take it anymore, I cringed my teeth and called to Charlie: "Phone call, please?"

You know, this isn't generally the thing you get put in jail for. Speeding? I mean, really. Getting a ticket I could understand. But arrested? Charlie's definitely doing this to smite me.

He rolled his eyes and unlocked the cell, and he escorted me to the phone.

I dialed Alice's number.

"Edward! WHAT'D YOUDO?" Alice's shrill voice pierced my ears from the other end.

I didn't have time to get into details so I just sighed, "Alice, please come to the police department and bring bail. It's like . . . three hundred dollars."

She wouldn't hang up without getting everything straight. "Edward, what'd you do?" She said that calmer.

Groaning, I looked around. "I was speeding and Charlie is so desperate to see me in jail that he's using this as a way to lock me up."

There was a pause. "Charlie loves me."

I rolled my eyes. "I know, just please come and bail me out."

"I don't know . . ."

"ALICE!"

"Okay, okay. Don't have a cow, okay? I'll be there in a bit . . . and . . . did you get the cuffs off yet?"

I smiled and hung up the phone.

Charlie watched as I did, and escorted me back to the cell. Jacob was still by the desk in front of my cell.

_Edward, Edward, Edward. __Tisk__tisk__ I'm ashamed, you know._

I wish I could answer him, but since no one could hear the rude remarks he stated in his mind, I couldn't.

Charlie locked the cell and I sighed. At the moment, I wasn't sure if I should tell Bella that her father wrongfully arrested me. Sure it would be calming to see him get the cold shoulder from her, but as I think about it, I looked down, ashamed at myself. It's not in my good nature to start a fight between father and daughter. But still . . . I did do a very good deed previously. I saved a life, and that was against _all _of my better judgment. I couldn't so easily said that he just didn't make it.

I stared at Jacob maniacally, and he stared back, startled at my expression.

_What are you looking at, fatty? You know you can't have me_.

I pulled my eyebrows together and squeezed the bar in front of me. But when I heard a crumbly sound, I flinched and pulled my hand away. Oops. But somehow, I wasn't that frustrated, for that meant that I had my "powers" back. I still don't know a better way to phrase that.

Jacob laughed a little, and I almost thought that he would turn to Charlie and tell him. But he didn't. Jacob just walked up to the bar and brushed the dust away.

I wasn't sure if that was a friendly gesture . . . or he just wanted to make it more noticeable. For this moment, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but it made me question my sanity.

Luckily, though, before I knew it, Alice came rushing through the doors. I perked up as I saw her face. "Alice!" I walked as close to her as the bars would let me.

She just nodded to me and faced Charlie.

"Oh, good afternoon, Alice! What brings you here?"

She cocked her eyebrow and put her hands on her hips. "I'm here to get Edward out of prison! Charlie, how could you do this?"

He sighed. "He was going 90 in 34, I had to . . ."

"Charlie, this is stupid! You don't arrest someone for speeding!" She turned to Jacob who was standing behind her. "Do you?" She whispered.

Jacob shrugged and Alice looked back to Charlie. "Well, still, he would've been glad to pay a ticket."

Charlie shrugged, "I'm sorry, Alice, I was just doing my job."

She rolled her eyes and grabbed folded up cash from her back pocket and stuck it out. "Okay, well here."

Charlie looked at the money and then back at her. "What's that?"

She groaned. "BAIL, Charlie, this is BAIL!!

He smiled and took it, counted it monotonously, walked up to me, and let me go free! Okay, cheesy. But with a large smile that I was, one: out of jail, and two: not attached to this freak. Actually, they were both basically jail breaks.

Alice, Jacob and I now walked out, wide smiles on our faces. Well, except for Alice of course who was the one that had to pay the bail and rush over here. But I just wondered why she hadn't been warning me of these mishaps, lately. She's probably been doing other frivolous things lately.

I sighed and remembered my car was still parked somewhere close to Forks . . .

I looked to Alice and smiled at her, but she just groaned and we all got into her Porsche that _I _bought her. Wait, why is Jacob here? I looked to him, who was sitting in the backseat.

He groaned. "It's not like I'm going to walk to La Push."

I looked to Alice to see if she cared, but she didn't, so I looked forward again.

And like the good people we were, we drove the border line of La Push, and let Jacob get out. He did, and what made me think that he was cloned, or something, was what he said.

"Thanks."

Was that for the ride? Did he just thank me? That could be for saving his life, and it should be! I zoned into his mind before he could go past the border line.

_For the life saving and I'm sorry.__But Edward?__ Yeah, I still hate you._

I smiled and Alice drove back to our house. I still hate him too. But not in the way I felt before. It was the ripping out his guts . . . in a good way—way.


	12. Chapter 12

**This story was supposed to be finished, though by popular demand I'm adding this one last chapter:**

Chapter 12

**Edward's POV**

After that . . . touching moment with Jacob, I'm almost in an okay mood right now. But Alice is pretty mad . . .

_Jeez, Edward, what were you thinking? Speeding without your mindreading stuff! I mean, come on. __Those__ three hundred dollars were what I was going to buy my Jimmy Choes with. __BUT NO! C'mon, Edward, can't you just give me some inch of happiness?_

I laughed and looked at the Porsche we were riding in that I bought her. "I am so cruel to you." I smiled.

_You got that right!_

I grinned, and my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Edward?" Bella started. "I thought you were coming over to get the key?"

I paused and looked out the window. "Oh we already got the key."

"From who?"

I winced at the dashboard. "Uh . . . Charlie."

"Where'd you see Charlie?"

Okay, she won't let me get away with this. "At the police station."

"And why were you there?"

"Because Charlie arrested me for speeding."

**Bella's POV**

I hung up the phone, and I wouldn't be surprised if my face was red while doing so. How could Charlie do this? He arrested Edward for speeding?!

Oh he's going to get an earful.

And for the next few hours, I waited impatiently on the couch.

The door opened, and Charlie walked in, a huge smile on his face.

"Good evening my beautiful Bella."

"CHARLIE . . ." I growled as I got up from the couch.

"Yes my dear?" He was still giddy about this . . .

"YOU ARRESTED EDWARD?"

He smiled at the remembrance.

"He got out . . ."

"Yeah, but you arrested him!"

He shook his head, "He broke the law . . ."

"But he was just speeding! It's not like he murdered anyone. And he would've been glad to pay a ticket. I mean, that's going on his record! Charlie!"

He gave me a sheepish smile, but I just crossed my arms.

"I want you to go over to his house and apologize."

"Bella . . ." Charlie complained.

"Charlie, do this for me."

He shook his head.

"DAD!"

"Okay, okay." He grumbled. "I'll go first thing in the morning."

I attempted to look fierce, but I probably just looked stupid. "Charlie, now."

He rolled his eyes and walked to the door, grabbed his keys and left. I smiled.

**Edward's POV**

The doorbell rang, and I answered.

It was Charlie.

"Uh . . . hello, Mr. Swan?"

He walked inside.

"Come in . . ." I began awkwardly.

"So, Edward, I just wanted to tell you that I was sorry for arresting you. It meant a lot to Bella for me to say that, and yeah, that's just all I wanted to say and there's nothing else."

_And, I am so not sorry for putting your sorry butt in jail because you know that you had it coming all along!__ You so know! And you know what? I wouldn't be surprised if the reason you speeded was because you were drunk! You better thank the heavens that I didn't bust you on that! Oh you little . . ._

I tried to ignore Charlie's thoughts and just smiled at him awkwardly.

"So, that's all." He looked around just as awkward as me.

"Yup."

_I still hate you so much I want you to die a slow and painful death.__ And I want Bella to dump you for Jacob because we both know that he's a better man than you._

"Okay, so well . . . bye."

I winced. "Bye."

Okay that was the most awkward ten seconds of my life, and I'm sure that he felt the same exact way. Not that I zoned into his mind again, no. I'm done with that. I mean, Jacob I could handle, because he's . . . Jacob, and he's a baby. But Charlie . . . that's kind of disappointing because he's a grown man.

"I hate you!" He called before I closed the door, but his eyes widened and he covered his mouth with both hands.

"Uh . . ." I looked around. I knew that he hated me, but I didn't think that it was so extreme that he would say it out loud.

"I mean . . ." he tried to cover it up. "I mean, that I hate the fact that I arrested you."

Wincing I nodded. "Yeah, of course."

"I mean, because you're my daughter's boyfriend, and I don't _hate_ anyone. And I mean, you're a good person, and I know that you were probably just a little excited when you exceeded the speeding limit." He turned around to leave but then face me again. "But if you hurt my daughter, I swear . . ."

"I won't, Charlie."

_IT'S FREAKING MR. SWAN!_

"Yeah, well, I understand you have some feelings for Jacob."

I twitched. "NEVER EVER EW GROSS!"

He blinked. "But you kissed him . . ."

"Mr. SWAN! I WAS GIVING HIM CPR! WE WERE GOING WHITE WATER RAFTING AND HE WAS DROWNING AND I SAVED HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed that louder than I've screamed anything ever in my entire life.

He put up his hand in surrender. "Oh ok. Whatever."

I slammed the door in his face, though it was rude, and made a face.

**Charlie's POV**

Okay, I told him I was sorry, does he really want me to mean it too?


	13. Chapter 13

**I honestly don't know why I'm doing another chapter. ****:P**** reviews please.**

Chapter 13

**Edward's POV**

I was still a little shaken up about Charlie coming to apologize. Well, he tried to apologize at least. But still, I'm not exactly happy with him at the moment.

Of course my nature is to forgive . . . unless that forgiveness has to be granted upon a spineless werewolf . . . though Charlie is never going to approve of me, and I suppose I'm just going to have to get used to that.

And after a few moments of me trying to gather my thoughts in front of the doorway, I heard footsteps coming down the steps.

Alice blurred up to me, her eyes made into slits. "Edward! I was listening."

I rolled my eyes. "I figured you would."

"Well anyways, that was really mean of him."

I shrugged. "Well, I mean, he's just looking out for Bella, I suppose."

She snorted. "Whatever."

I sighed as my cell phone rang. I held up my finger, and answered.

"Yes?"

"Edward? Yeah, I have a question. Did Charlie come and apologize or did he just go to the Yummy Doughnut Shack? . . . Again."

I smiled. "Yeah, he . . ."

Alice snatched the phone out of my hand. "And he was mean to Edward!"

"Alice!" I hissed as I grabbed it back. "No, Bella he wasn't necessarily _mean_. He was just expressing his feelings out loud."

Bella was silent for a few moments. "Edward? Can you come over?"

I slowly looked to Alice who seemed to be having a vision at the moment. Reluctantly, I answered. "Of course."

Once I hung up, Alice was finished looking it to the future, and she was smiling. "It'll do you two some good, it will." She grumbled.

I checked into her mind, but she kept me from hearing, for she was yammering . . . or thinking, ABC, over and over again.

Clenching my fists, I walked out the door again, worried at what awaits at Bella's house in which Alice had wanted me to find out for myself. Charlie would probably be annoyed, but I suppose that I can just ignore him. I'm coming to her house to see _Bella_, not Charlie.

I swallowed my pride and stepped into my car, and began driving as slow as I believe I ever had before. Thirty miles per hour. God, it was excruciating.

But after about ten minutes of me grinding my teeth at what would happen at her house, I finally arrived.

Charlie had possibly had a chance to cool off after he got back home, but I can't be too sure.

Bella was waiting outside next to the door, and she was anxious to see me.

"Edward!" She called before I even stopped the car. I nodded at her and stepped out.

"Hello, love."

"Hi love." She laughed awkwardly. "Come in! Come in!"

I pursed my lips and did what she asked. Charlie was sitting on a couch in the living room.

_Ugh . . . him again._

I'm not hurt by his thoughts, of course not. But I just hate that he hates me.

"Hello," I stuttered.

He held up his hand as a "hello" back.

"Charlie!" Bella called to him. "You know I love you, right?"

His eyes widened in apprehension. "Yes . . ."

"And Edward?" She turned to me. "You forgave me for handcuffing you to Jacob, right?"

Blinking, I answered. "Of course."

She smiled wide. "Good! Then please go sit next to Charlie."

He heard that and grimaced.

_DON'T LET HIM SIT NEAR ME!_

Unwillingly, my eyes turned to slits, but I realized that quickly and made my expression graceful again. It'd be rude to refuse to sit next to this man, so I simply staggered over so I was sitting on the far side of the couch. Somewhere deep inside my gut, I knew what she was doing.

"Bella?" I whispered as she walked up to us. "Is there something you would like to tell us?"

"Uh . . ." she sat in between us and grabbed Charlie's hand. He looked at her accusingly, but when I heard a click, my eyes widened and I stood up as quickly as I could. But there was already metal around my wrist.

"BELLA!" Charlie boomed.

"I'm sorry, but I'm just doing what's best for you two. I'm willing to take whatever punishment you throw at me, but right now, you two need to learn to get along."

"Bella?" I started, slightly horrified as I stared at the handcuffs.

"Bella, Bella, Bella." Charlie smiled as he sauntered over to the kitchen, pulling me awkwardly along. "I have the key right here." He picked up the key and began wiggling it around in the lock, a grin on his face.

Bella, though, was anxious.

Though, I just stood there, the same grin on my face as Charlie's. Until, I heard a snap.

Charlie stared at the lock, aghast. "Uh . . ."

"C-Charlie? Did the key just break?!" I stammered.

"OF COURSE IT BROKE!" He growled so loud, I was almost afraid.

I turned to Bella. "You have an extra key, right?"

She stepped back with her hands up. "I do, but I'm not giving it to you. You guys need to learn to get along. And . . . besides. When I heard that you had already gotten free of _Jacob_, I kind of . . . threw the key away. And the garbage man just picked it up."

I twitched.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

**Edward's POV**

Jacob is one thing, but I wouldn't be surprised if I would chew my arm off just to be away from Charlie. But I don't get it. I mean, I _don't_ hate Charlie. Honestly, I just can't stand him.

That's not necessarily hating someone. And besides, I don't hate anyone. Not even Jacob. I _dislike_ him.

So Charlie is a sour spot. He's rude and just plain impolite. Though, that's only to me. And the more that I think about it, he and Jacob have more similarities than I thought.

Though I know deep in my gut that his presence is going to harder to withstand than Jacob's. For however long it'll take to get another key, I'll just have to stick it out.

I stared at Bella until she couldn't stare me down anymore, and had to look at her shoes. But I wasn't angry. I'm a pushover. I admit it. You know, admitting that you have a problem is the first step to recovery. I'M A PUSHOVER!

"Bella!" I growled, almost taken aback at that. Charlie stood there as well, him curious to see what I'd do, and to see if all of his suspicions he had were true. I cooled off and looked to my shoes. "Make sure you get the key, okay?" I grumbled.

She nodded. "Yeah, don't worry. And besides, they might've made an extra when they made the . . ." she looked down at the broken key on the ground, ". . . that one."

_Bella Swan how could you handcuff me to this lug of useless crap? Come _ON!

Okay, he has really gone too far.

My eyebrows pulled together and I looked at him, my eyes intimidating and my mouth about ready to show my teeth. Charlie saw my face and he squinted, like he was trying to figure out my expression. Or maybe, he was just wincing at my audacity to give him a bad look.

Clenching my fists, I turned back around, and used up the rest of my dirty looks on the wall I now needed to focus on.

_Don't mess with Charlie Swan, punk._

Bella saw my frustration and simply gave me a sympathetic smile.

But I just couldn't take it anymore. My eyes turned to slits and I turned around, and began choking Charlie as hard as I could.

Bella screamed in the background, but I continued to kill Charlie Swan . . .

Did that really happen? No. I wish it did.

So I turned around, almost letting my hands come up _to_ kill him, but instead I just gave him a polite smile. "Well, I suppose that we can make do. What do you say, Mr. Swan?"

_You wanna know what I say, pretty boy? I want you out of my house!_

"Yeah, we'll be fine, sweetie," Charlie smiled to Bella as sincere as he possibly could manage.

But now there's only one problem.

I'm thirsty, and I don't know how I could explain to Charlie about my hunting.

I suppose someone else could do it. Esme, Carlisle and Emmett are hunting and will be gone for a few days, and Jasper and Rosalie left to hunt just today. But Alice could get me something!

And as I pondered that thought, time dragged on where I sat down on their couch and had to sit through one of Charlie's football games until it was over.

And the game did end. Now I was just sitting there. With Charlie. Awkwardly careful not to look at each other.

**Bella's POV**

Edward had asked me to get him some blood. Alice left to hunt as well so I was the only one left.

He simply instructed me to go to the butcher shop and get him pigs' blood or something. But I know he likes it warm, so I decided to try hunting myself! I mean, how _hard_ could it be? All you do it kill it and drain the blood out!

I smiled at myself and walked further down the trail.

Yeah I felt guilty that I handcuffed enemies together twice, but still, all I want is peace. And that's what Edward and Charlie definitely lack. But at least I got Edward and Jacob to become friends. At least, I think so? I made a face ahead and waited until anything that a vampire would find yummy to come up and give me some of its blood.

Though I just ended up walking in circles, feeling guilty about making Charlie and Edward so uncomfortable. That's really why I'm going through this extra trouble to get Edward warm blood. Charlie's a different story. I'm not sure he wants warm blood. Maybe he'd want an, "I'm sorry for handcuffing you to my boyfriend!" mug. He might like that.

I heard a deer . . .

Showtime.

I quietly hid behind a bush and waited for that deer to come out. And soon, it walked out in front of my bush.

I didn't hesitate, and I jumped on top of it.

It started slashing around and after a few seconds, it fell onto the floor from my weight.

But then husband came.

A _huge _buck walked up and stared at me. It had those antlers and everything.

I twitched. "Oh! Is this . . . your wife? Oh 'cause, yeah, I was just saying hi!"

He let out a loud yell and the deer below me scrambled a little bit more. "Um . . ." I continued. "You see, here's the deal, my boyfriend is handcuffed to my dad, and he's thirsty, and I kinda needed her blood . . ." I looked below me.

The buck didn't buy it . . . or he didn't hear me . . . because he's an animal . . .

But anyways, he lunged towards me and pushed me off his wife with his freakishly huge antlers. I hit a tree behind me.

"Ow!" I stood up and rubbed my butt in which was just unmercifully banged against a stupid tree trunk.

The lady deer scrambled up, but the buck just got low, ready to pounce.

My eyes widened, and I began running backwards, letting the buck follow WAY too closely behind me.

I didn't realize it, but I was also screaming like a maniac as I got back onto the trail, now feeling the buck's antlers hit my back a little.

"AHH!!!!!! I'M SORRY THAT I TRIED TO TAKE THE BLOOD OF YOUR WIFE!!!" I screamed.

And as I saw my house, I smiled but looked behind me and the buck was still on my tail. Sweat trickled down my face as I _attempted_ to hop my fence. I got to the top, but a couple loose boards that I was leaning on pushed backwards, and flipped so I landed on the outside of the fence, and the buck was pushed inside.

"EDWARD! THERE'S AN ANGRY BUCK THAT WANTS TO KILL ME!!" I screamed, probably loud enough for him to hear me from inside.

I held my back against the boards so the buck couldn't come back, and soon, Edward came bursting out the front door, dragging Charlie along.

I smiled at him and laughed sheepishly.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Edward's POV

I don't really get how I'm still sane. Bella tried to make it up to me, though, for trying to get me warm blood. I don't _need_ warm blood! I needed Bella to be safe and not to be chased by an angry buck! She still hasn't told me _why_ exactly she was chased by an angry buck. Because, I know that it wasn't because she tried to get the blood from him. Even she has more common sense than that.

I haven't been bugging her about it, though, for truthfully, I just want to forget about it.

Charlie of course found a way to blame me about this. And maybe I should be taking the blame. But it's not like I told Bella to make a buck angry.

But unfortunately for me, that's exactly what Charlie assumed. But this time, at least, he hasn't been telling me out loud, like he usually does. He just rambles on about it in his mind. That's a start, right?

And as the sun went down, and Charlie's eyes began to droop, Bella cleaned up the dishes in which Charlie had devoured down his dinner—in which honestly looked revolting.

"Edward, I honestly don't know why you didn't have any of Bella's delicious spaghetti," Charlie stretched in his chair.

_I know you're anorexic, Edward. I hate how you'll rub off on my Bella._

"I had a very big lunch," I informed him, although his suspicions still harbored.

_Yeah, sure you did. You're skinny enough!_

My eyes unwillingly turned to slits, but I turned my expression back and stood up from my chair.

"Alright guys, how's your sleeping situation looking?" Bella asked when all the dishes were cleared.

I looked at him, my expression grave. "I don't know."

But Charlie held up his hands. "Wait, he's not sleeping here, is he?"

Bella's eyebrows pulled together. "Yes, dad, Edward will be _sleeping_ here tonight." Bella chuckled over the "sleeping."

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, of course," he grumbled.

"So, couch?" I looked to the living room in which I was probably going to have to sit on all night, while listening to Charlie's snoring and/or obsessive dreams about doughnuts and what not.

"I guess." Charlie looked to his lap, hiding his, "I don't want him to stay here all night!" expression.

"Alright, then I'll go put some blankets on the couch for you, and Edward, Charlie . . ." she chuckled. "Get ready to go sleepy pie."

I rolled my eyes and we both staggered upstairs where I had to watch Charlie brush his revolting teeth.

He stared at me through the mirror after he spit the toothpaste out. "Aren't you going to brush, Edward? Good oral hygiene is important in this family, and if you ever want to be a part of it, then . . ."

"I already brushed, Charlie."

He looked at me in disbelief. "Yeah, like five hours ago. C'mon, get a toothbrush. I might have an extra."

He bent down with a grunt and fiddled through the cabinets below the sink until he pulled one out. "Okay, put your toothpaste on." He started as he handed me it and a tube of toothpaste.

I nodded reluctantly, and started squeezing. I was doing it as lightly as I possibly could, and even then, I put on way too much. Charlie didn't care, though, and I put the toothbrush in my mouth awkwardly.

I wasn't exactly sure what to do, for I haven't _done_ it in a really long time. Charlie sensed my confusion and winced at me through the mirror. "Up . . ." He coached.

I did so.

"And down . . ." he said again.

The mint was uncomfortable on my gums as I repeated the motion Charlie had taught me.

"Good boy," he smiled, but he then he stared at me—not through the mirror this time—suspiciously. "Have you _ever_ brushed your teeth before, Edward?"

I spit in the sink and looked at him uneasily. "Of course, I have, Charlie."

That wasn't a lie, I mean in my human days I brushed my teeth a lot. I think it was twice a day.

He grimaced.

_Whatever you say, Edward, whatever you say. _

"Well, thank you." I nodded towards him for the toothbrush and the lessons.

He rolled his eyes and we walked back downstairs. I sat down, and Charlie attempted to lie down, though he just had to slump down and fall asleep, but I could tell that his neck would hurt later.

A couple hours of him just deeply sleeping, he started dreaming like I hoped he wouldn't. Of course I could just ignore his thoughts, but I can't help it.

He was walking down the trail next to their house, when he saw a large deer. It wasn't a buck like Bella had encountered. It was a simple deer.

Charlie wasn't afraid, until I showed up.

I bit the deer on the neck before it could run away and I started drinking. And the strange thing was that Charlie wasn't surprised. He just stood there, watching, annoyed.

Does Charlie Swan know that I'm a vampire?


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

**Edward's POV**

My eyes were wide as I waited. Charlie can't know about me! Could he? Billy! Could it possibly mean that Billy was the one to tell Charlie about me? But then that would break the treaty. So it couldn't be Billy. I looked down to Charlie with wide eyes.

I zoned back into his dream . . .:

I was done drinking, and now I walked up to Charlie with a phony smile spread across my face. Charlie smirked and then patted my shoulder. I looked down at his extended hand with disgust. "Charlie."

"Edward, I know."

I nodded. "Yes, well, I knew you'd figure it out sooner or later."

"Don't you dare hurt my Bella!"

I shrugged. "She looks awfully delicious, though, Charlie."

His eyes turned to slits, but I continued.

"It's just my nature."

"YOUR NATURE? IF YOU LAY ONE HAND ON BELLA, I WILL KILL YOU! Or . . . kill you more than you already are now."

I smirked. "Yes, yes."

"Do you not believe me?"

"Oh," I snorted. "I believe ya! I'm just saying. You can _try_ to kill me. But then, I'll most definitely kill Bella and you on the side."

"You make me sick."

"I make you something."

"What?"

I pounced on him and started drinking, and then finished. "Dead."

I stopped listening, and although it was rude, I shook Charlie awake. He blinked at me.

"Edward!" He growled.

"Charlie? What do you think I am?"

He groaned, "I think you are an anorexic drunk."

My eyes widened, and his too, a little. He rubbed his eyes. "Sorry 'bout the flame, there, Edward. Just a little tired."

"No, but Charlie, you know I'm human, right?"

He blinked. "Yeah . . ."

"Be honest!"

He shifted on the couch. "Well, you have exhibited some vampire-like-behavior."

"WHAT?!" I squeaked.

"I saw you drinking a deer on patrol, Cullen."

My eyes were wide as I tried to get through my head what he had just said. How could I not have caught this before? "Charlie," I paused. I know that he's telling the truth, if he was lying, he would be reacting in his mind. I couldn't very well reject this suspicion anymore. "Please." Is all I could say.

"I'm telling the police chief in the morning." He growled.

My eyes widened, "What?"

A smile came across his face. "I'm joking. I'm not that heartless. Unless, you hurt my Bella, then you'll see some heartless."

That was actually a very good fatherly statement, and I almost smiled, but my expression turned back when I remembered.

"So . . . Charlie? I just can't really wrap my mind around this . . ."

"Well," he laughed, "you should. Because, I lied about not telling anyone about you."

My eyebrows pulled together, and the door behind us was kicked down. I snapped my head to the now dozens of patrollers in blue uniforms and large guns, bursting in.

* * *

I blinked, and it was day, and I was still on the couch. Charlie was right next to me watching a basketball game, this time. 

"Uh . . ." I whispered.

Charlie looked to me. "Morning." He grumbled, and then he turned so his body was facing me. "Hey, did you drink last night?"

I made a face, "Of course not, no!"

He shrugged, "Well, a woke up and you were sitting upright, but you were sleeping. And then this morning I tried to wake you, but you just continued to sit in that same position. Honestly, I thought that it was just plain creepy. But I suppose people handle hangovers many different ways."

"Charlie!" I snapped. "I assure you, that . . ."

"Nah, it's alright." He slumped back into the couch.

Frankly, I wanted to revisit the subject just to make sure that he had absolutely no doubts about my . . . state last night. Though, I'm not sure if I was doubtless at the moment. I looked ahead at the sidetable, and grabbed the cordless phone.

"Do you mind if I make a call?" I whispered to Charlie.

"No," he moaned. "Go ahead, but if its long distance, then you're payin'."

I rolled my eyes and dialed Carlisle's number.

"Hello?" Carlisle answered.

"Hey!" I whispered low and fast so Charlie couldn't understand. "I just had this . . . hallucination, I think. And . . . oh yeah, did I forget to mention that I'm handcuffed to Charlie now?"

He laughed. "Yes, Alice told me."

My eyes turned to slits in rememberance at how she very well knew the trouble I soon was going to face.

"Well, what's happening?"

He didn't even pause to think like a normal person would. But come to think of it, he's not normal. Or a person . . . "Well, I believe that your delusions are caused from once again, the metal. As I've told you before, the zinc and iron combination in this type of metal has outdated our supernaturalism. I'm assuming that since the one on the other end of the handcuffs before _was_ of the supernatural kind, then the side effects would've been split between the two of you. I'm guessing that his flesh doesn't react to the metal, thus letting you take all of the reactions, causing you to . . . lose your powers and give you extra side effects like hallucinations. Possibly, memory loss and chaffing as well."

I blinked. "WHAT?"


	17. Chapter 17

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while... ENJOY! oh yeah, review PUH-lease!!**

Chapter 17

**Edward's POV**

My patience was wearing thin as I watched Charlie put on his police vest. He has to go to work today, meaning that _we_ have to go to work today. And what a day it will be . . .

He turned to me with a phony smile, "Ready, Edward?" He grumbled.

I nodded and followed him out to his cruiser. He drove slow . . . even slower than Bella. But I suppose that's because of him being a police officer and all. Soon, though, we arrived at the police station, and I climbed over his seat to get out. He looked frustrated as I did so, just like me with Jacob.

"Now don't disrupt anything. Over here, everything is extremely high-paced. So don't be intimidated."

I nodded and we walking in. The only sound was the police scanner and the radio playing today's baseball game. There were two policemen resting their feet on their desks and reading newspapers and _of course_-what I thought was hilarious-they were both eating pink frosted doughnuts.

"Yeah, it's intimidating alright," I mumbled under my breath, but he heard.

He looked at me, his face like, _Shut up, punk_. I can't really read his mind anymore. He's too fat. Just like Jacob. They're both fat and I have to be powerless because of it.

"Charlie!" One of the policemen took his feet from the counter and straightened in his seat. "How's it going?"

Charlie walked up to them. "Well, I have my daughter's boyfriend handcuffed to me." He held up our joined hands above the counter so they could see.

Their eyes widened. "Get the key."

Charlie explained . . .

"Ah, that's rotten luck." The second policeman said.

"You're telling me." Charlie snorted. "Well, anyway," he sighed. "Edward here, is gonna be hanging at the desk with me."

The first policeman got up from the desk and shook his head. "Sorry, bud, we need you on patrol, again."

Charlie started at him. "C'mon, I think under the circumstances, I could get desk today."

The policeman shrugged. "Sorry, man. I'm sure he'll be fine. And besides, it's just Forks. I doubt you're gonna get into a high-speed car chase."

* * *

I clutched the handle in Charlie's cruiser as he accelerated into a rate that _I_ don't even exceed.

"Charlie?" I stuttered.

He didn't answer and continued to snarl, "Backup! We need backup!" into his walkie talkie.

There was a black Chevy speeding faster than us ahead, and we were chasing it. Many other police cars followed behind us. Apparently, this car was being hijacked, and to _do_ that, the prior owner of the car was shot.

Charlie was sweating as the speed needle traveled more to the right.

"Charlie!" I said again.

"WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT EDWARD???" Charlie screeched.

"I was just gonna say that if you had a cloth, then maybe . . ."

He didn't answer that time as he spoke into the walkie talkie again.

I repeated.

"Glove compartment."

I looked in and smiled as I tucked the towel under the cuff surrounding my wrist, so the metal wasn't touching my skin. Grinning, I heard the jumbled thoughts around me.

"'K," I ripped off Charlie's seatbelt, unbuckled mine, opened the door, and jumped out, letting the car hit a tree violently.

He was a teeny bit . . . unconscious after that, but I didn't let that slow me down, and I ran as fast as I think I ever had before.

After what seemed like two steps, I was past the black Chevy. I paused and jumped in front of it. I saw the expression of the man behind the wheel.

It was priceless.

It hit my hands, crunching it like an accordion. And what was the icing on the cake, was that they survived, and now, he can be put in jail for a long, long, long, time.

* * *

A few days after my heroic doing was recognized by the mayor. Bella decided that I had worked hard enough, and that the cuffs deserved to be off, so now, I was standing at the podium with a giant medal around my neck. People accept that I'm a vampire, and now me and my family don't have to live in secret any more. And also, the Quileute tribe decided to move and Bella is just fine with it.

Perfect day . . .

* * *

"Wake up, Edward!" Charlie shoved my shoulder, him already with a bowl of cereal of his lap.

I blinked just to find their living room. The cuffs were still on, and I doubt that I saved the town of forks from evil. Or something close to evil?

HALLUCINATION! My eyes turned to slits.

"Um . . . Edward?" I heard Bella's voice from behind me.

I turned to see her, staring at me, wide eyed. "Yes?"

She got up from the kitchen table she was sitting at and walked over to the me. She leaned into me. "Um . . . were you daydreaming or something? You were talking gibberish. And I doubt . . . wait, can vampires sleep now?"

I smiled at her weakly. "Hallucination."

She cocked her head.

I explained.


	18. Chapter 18

**Okay, guys sorry for the updates taking so LONG! Ugh it's such a drag. Well, remember when I used to update like a million times a day? Yeah, well now I've been taking longer. And yes, I know that I'm leaving a zillion people hanging on like four of my fan fictions. So I need to finish those, and I'm working on my story . . .nothing having to do with fan fictions, and I do this little thing called eating and um . . . breathing, so don't get mad at me for the updates taking so long. You don't want me to get bitter, do you??**

Chapter 18

**Edward's POV**

Today is going to be the most awkward day of my life. Charlie has a date. Normally, he would probably tell her that there's this crisis he's going through—what with his daughter's boyfriend handcuffed to him—and he can't make it. But apparently, this one's flying in from California. I think they used to know each other here in Forks, but she moved. She called when she found out that she's flying in to Port Angeles for business and thought they could "catch up". I rolled my eyes when Charlie used that phrase.

"Now, don't ruin things for me!" He growled between his teeth as he straightened his tie.

I forced a smile. "Don't worry, Charlie. I'll just sit there, and . . . wait; do we want her to know that we're handcuffed together? I mean, that might freak her out."

He thought that over a minute and then looked at me through the bathroom mirror we were facing. "Well, she's going to find out sooner or later." He looked down to the metal. "I'm sure if we say that there was a mix up at the office . . . I mean, when you think about it, this isn't _that_ weird."

My eyebrows rose unwillingly and I just sighed. We then walked out of the bathroom and down the stairs where Bella was eagerly waiting by the door.

"Charlie!" She smiled. "You look handsome."

His cheeks turned red. "Thank you, my dear." She nodded as a, _you're welcome_, and she handed him his wallet. "Alright," he kissed her on the cheek and looked at his watch. "Wish me luck!"

"Good luck." She said, an approving smile permanently spread on her face.

He nodded and we stepped out into the chilly night—it not raining yet. We decided to take my car in which I so graciously offered, for his cruiser might not be so appropriate for the event, Bella's car is in the shop after it broke down for the millionth time, and mine will impress her. It's not the Aston Martin, no. But it is clean . . .? She'd like that, right?

Anyways, Charlie's cruiser has doughnut crumbs and chip bags laying everywhere.

Still, even though it's _my_ car, Charlie insisted on driving. So as he drove, of course _way_ to slowly for my taste, I just stared ahead. Until, we got to the restaurant they're meeting at. It was some fancy French place, pretty much setting my theory for this get together being more than just catching up.

He stopped the car, not being so careful as to avoid the tree full of pigeons just waiting to do you know what on a shiny car. He's doing this on purpose.

I glowered ahead, and we stepped out of the car. And as Charlie sauntered along, pulling _me_ along, because, haha, I'm powerless, remember? Because he's too fat, and anyways, as we entered the restaurant, Charlie breathed in the air like it was the best thing he's ever smelt. Personally, it was full of human food and I didn't find it to be all that appealing.

And soon, we saw a slender blonde woman sitting in a booth, looking like she was waiting for someone. I assumed she was Charlie's "old friend" and looked to him to see if I was right. I was. His face turned red again, and he was pulling me along again.

Once she saw us, her face lightened. "Charlie!" She chirped.

The women stood up from the booth and walked up to us so she could give him a hug. And after she released it, she looked to me, her expression disappointed. "Hello, who have we here?"

Charlie swallowed loudly. "This, Mary, is Edward Cullen. We've had a little mishap." He held up our hands so she could see the cuffs.

Her eyes widened. "Oh gosh, that isn't good!" She laughed awkwardly, and then she leaned into Charlie, "Is it?" She whispered.

He winced and shook his head while mumbling, "No."

She nodded and we all sat in the booth.

"Charlie, I've missed you! I'm just so glad that my business trip got me to come to Port Angels. I mean, really. And I told the key-o that this was just so amazing!" She smiled.

Charlie and I looked at her.

"Key-o?" We both asked in unison.

She snorted. "You don't know what a key-o is? Oh gosh. It's the head of a cooperation."

We both looked around the room. "Do you mean _corporation_?" I asked quietly.

She looked around the room and shrugged, "I dunno. But okay the key-o is the head of the cooporation? She winced.

Charlie and I looked at each other and then back to her. "Close enough."

"But," I started. "Do you mean, C. E. O.?"

She scrunched up her nose. "Are you calling me a cow?"

I shook my head quickly. "No, no! That's Chief Executive Officer. I think that's what you were saying?"

She stared blankly into space. "I think so?"

Charlie and my eyes were wide as we just stared. Though it was rude. We couldn't help it.

Charlie, though, broke in. "Well, Mary, how _is_ work? Are you getting good time off?"

She smiled. "Yeah, this year, I get two weeks vaccination!"

We winced. "What?"

She snorted. "Don't tell me that you don't know what a vaccine is? Yeah know, where you go to the place with the piggies? That you eat?"

"You mean vacation?" Charlie breathed.

She stared at us, her expression still blank.

Oh boy.


	19. Chapter 19

**Very weird chapter lol. Please review. This weird chapter is only this weird so it'll fit the next ch. PLEASE REVIEW!!**

**Chapter 19**

**Edward's POV**

I never thought anyone could be this . . .

"So, Mary," Charlie began uneasily once our food came. "What do you like to do in your spare time?"

She smiled and set down her fork, "Well, I like to watch movies."

"Oh," Charlie straightened in his seat. "What's your favorite?"

"I like Happy Gilmore," She said. "But I don't get why he was so happy. I mean, he's kind of poor."

Charlie and I looked at each other, and then I reluctantly added, "I think Happy is the name. You know, Adam Sandler's?"

"Oh, that makes sense!" She laughed.

"Well, anyways, he's a very ambitious actor." Charlie smiled.

Her eyes widened. "You rapist!"

Our eyes widened also. "What?" We growled.

"Just because Adam is white doesn't mean you should be such a rapist and call him white trash. You're white too!"

"Do you mean _racist_?" I whispered.

She blinked. "Whatever."

"And," I continued, "Ambitious means hardworking."

"No it doesn't," She said uncomfortably.

* * *

You see, that was just 2 minutes of the dinner. Imagine what else went on the rest of the hour. But soon, we were back at Bella's house, and we've both been pepper-sprayed, kicked, and spit on from misunderstandings. 

But oh well.

"Edward," Charlie grumbled as we walked in the house.

"Yes?"

"If you tell anyone about Mary, I'll kill you!"

I put up my hands. "You don't have to worry about that, Charlie."

"Charlie!" Bella chirped when she saw us. "How'd it go?"

He looked to me sheepishly and then back at her. "It was very . . . interesting."

Bella gave me a knowing glance and then she just smiled. "Well, that's good."

And suddenly, I smelt smoke.

"I just wish," Bella continued, "That I hadn't burned the whole upstairs down."

Our eyes widened, and fire now surged down the stairs.

Somehow, I couldn't move, and I was just standing there, Charlie still attached to me, staring at the flames. Bella seemed unfazed, she just looked at it, like it was a stain on the carpet she accidently made.

And soon, after the fire was now surrounding us, I saw Mary, red-eyed, walking in the fire.

"WELCOME TO HELL!" Her voice sounded like she was possessed by Satan.

* * *

"Edward, stop mumbling." Charlie grumbled while he shifted on the couch, closing his eyes again to fall asleep. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Sorry for the slow updates. Hope this makes up for it.**

Chapter 20

**Edward's POV**

Alright, these hallucinations are getting OLD! Charlie, of course, is still oblivious to the fact that something is freakishly weird—aside from the fact that we're handcuffed together for an unknown period of time. I mean come _on!_ I keep randomly staring into the space having one of these hallucinations, and he thinks I'm sleeping? With my eyes open, yeah.

"Edward," he grumbled scooping some popcorn into his hand, while changing the TV station with his other. "What do _you_ think of Mary? You think she's a keeper?"

I blinked, saddened to realize that the whole "Mary" experience really went on. "Well," I began uneasily, not sure which response he'd like to hear. Earlier, at dinner, he seemed uncomfortable, and so that could mean that he wants me to say that I don't think she's right. But on the other hand, he might really like her, and if I insult her, he'd get angry at me and break this bond I think we're developing. I mean, seriously, he asked me for advice about _relationships_. It may be just me, but I think that's saying something. "She . . ." I continued, feeling like I should come up with an excuse to delay this question. "Is a very . . . colorful individual, and I think . . . that she may one day be capable of doing something great with her life."

I hoped that was the right answer for him.

He turned his head so he was looking at me. His expression was glum, and I was upset now, that I couldn't read his mind, much less, his expression. "Well, Edward thanks for the edited version."

I wondered what that meant.

"God," he growled, now putting his face in his free hand, not handcuffed to mine. "She's dumb as a post."

The edges of my lips curved up ever so slightly at his metaphor. "I wouldn't say . . . _post_ exactly."

He snorted. "Yeah, well I'm gonna break off . . . whatever we _have_. I'm not sure if it's much." He now started laughing, looking ahead. "You know, her welcome mat should say, "Welcome to hell!""

I gripped the edge of the couch we were sitting on, and I snapped my head to him. That's W E I R D.

"Hi dad." Bella ran down the stairs with a smile. "How'd your date go?"

He shrugged, not wanting to get into details right now.

"Well anyways, I've decided to un-cuff you two."

We both winced, but then realizing how great that was; we smiled wide and slowly looked at each other. We hopped up from the couch and started jumping up and down. I have _no no no_ idea why, we just jumped up and down.

Our smiles were permanently chiseled to our faces and we hugged. But two seconds in, the joy wore off, our eyes widened, and we separated quickly, saying, "EW!!" At the same time.

I heard Bella's laugh behind me, and I found her, on the floor, hugging her side, red-faced, and kicking the wood floor under her. She was cracking up.

How could I let go like that?

"Um . . ." Charlie grumbled. "Yes, well, then."

"Indeed, very well, we're satisfied with your decision, and we believe it shall benefit us all." I finished.

That just made her laugh harder. "So, Isabella, the key, please?" Charlie said, as refined as possible, unwillingly letting ten tons of his embarrassment show on his expression.

She let out a few more laughs, and then she unwillingly sat up, her face red and her hair all in front of her face.

"'K," she whispered, then sitting up further to feel around in her pockets. She was now curious, as she tried all of the other pockets. "Uh . . ." then she looked down, dumbfounded at the floor. "Oh no."

We snapped our heads over, our eyebrows pulled together tightly. "Why do you say oh no?" I demanded.

She sheepishly looked away from the floor. "The key kind of . . . fell through the cracks of the loose floor board."


	21. Chapter 21

**I hope you enjoy . . . (my imagination was kind of going wild on this one. But throughout this entire fan fiction, there are NO hallucinations. I repeat NO hallucinations.)**** This isn't **_**major**_** comedy, but I attempted to put some in. I personally think that the situation itself it pretty funny. I promise it will soon be updated, for this would be one major cliffie. **

Chapter 21

**Edward's POV**

My eye twitched uncontrollably as I stared at her, and then to the floor. Did she just say what I think she said?

"I'm _so_ sorry, you guys. But . . ." Bella bent down so she could see through the crack. "Oh, it'll be fine! It fell into the basement, so we could just go down there and get it."

I smiled and looked heavenward, "Oh, thank you Lord."

"What a relief!" Charlie sighed as we stood up from the floor and began shuffling towards the basement door. Bella seemed the most anxious to get the key because she _must_ be feeling bad. But I don't really blame her for doing this, I mean; she just wanted us to get along. Sure her approach on the whole situation could've been handled a different way . . .

She opened the door and we ran down the creaking wooden steps until we were on the cement floor.

We looked around furiously, but I was actually looking up, wondering how there would be a crack in the ceiling. It was plaster, so I suppose they covered it with wood in the living room. But I still didn't see a crack . . .

"Oh shoot," Charlie growled.

I snapped my head to him. "What?"

He pulled me over to one of the pipes and winced at some squirting water coming from a small hole. Wow this can_not_ turn out well.

"The pipes are leaking."

"Leaking?" Bella echoed.

"Well," Charlie put his hand on the hole in the pipes to block the flow. "At least it's not big." He applied more pressure to the pipes, and in two seconds, they collapsed.

Water flew everywhere, hitting us hard in the face.

"Oh my gosh!" Bella screeched, wiping the water from her eyes so she could see.

"For the love of God!" Charlie got out of the way of the major water spurt, thus putting _me_ in the way of the major water spurt.

"What about the key!" Bella screamed.

"We can't look for the key in here!" I replied in the same tenor.

The water level now began rising, coming up to our ankles. My eyes were wide and so was everyone else's as the water came up to our sides.

"Okay, we've got to get out of here!" I screamed to everyone as I trudged through the water.

Charlie ran in front of me and began walking up the wooden steps, some of them underwater. And as he and I were almost up to the door, the steps gave way from the weak wood now becoming soggy, and we fell into the water. Bella gasped.

We flapped our arms, struggling with the 'swimming with handcuffs' concept. With his fatness, I was still powerless and it was extremely difficult tugging him along.

"Charlie! Are you okay?" Bella now had to swim with us, the basement was so flooded.

"Oh look," I breathed, unfortunately getting some water in my mouth. "I see . . . something!" There was a very large pipe still intact attached to a wall across from the door. It looked like it led outside . . . "Charlie," I turned to him. "Hold your breath."

I now swam under, pulling him to my best ability behind, until I arrived at that pipe. It seemed rusted and like all the other pipes down here, in disrepair. I kicked it, and it subsided willingly, showing a large vent. No . . . this doesn't lead to where I . . .

The water was now sucked into the vent, pulling us along into it. We began screaming as the water pushed us along down the vent. I was in front of everyone, so I was hit in the back with their shoes a lot, but I didn't really notice. I tried to turn on my stomach so maybe I could grab onto something, but when I did, Charlie had to turn to, so now we're flopping around, hitting the metal sides of this vent mercilessly.

The water continued to push us down this vent like a water slide, with its way out now where to be seen.

"Bella?" I gasped.

"Edward!!" She screamed back.

Okay, at least we're all in the same vent.

Uh oh. Not for long. . . .

The vent split into two different ones, forcing Bella into a separate one. We all began screaming, and I believe I even heard hers as the vents became more separated.

"Edward!" Charlie wheezed. "Where does this _lead_ to??"

I didn't want to tell him that this vent most likely leads to . . .

It opened up, and we fell about 10 feet, outside, into a big pool of brownish water.

Charlie flapped his arms desperately. "Where's Bella?!" He breathed, flapping his arms more, getting much of the brown water in my eyes. I squeezed them shut and wondered the same thing myself.

"I don't know!"

The tide, though, was still going. It swayed us unwillingly towards some sort of canal with a stone roof. The entrance was surrounded by tall grass, but we didn't have a very good chance to look at it, for we were now inside of the canal. It didn't stretch as long as the earlier pipe did, and it soon opened up, dropping us about thirty feet, this time, into an even larger pool of brown water and random pieces of debris bobbing everywhere.

"EDWARD!!" Charlie screamed so loud, it even hurt _my_ ears. "GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

"AND HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO THAT?" I screamed back.

As the tide stopped, I realized that we were stuck here.


	22. Chapter 22

**Due to some graphic parental discretion is advised. ****This particular chapter is rated PG. (At first I thought most people could handle it, but according to the previous chapter's reviews, some people are a tad bit squeamish when it comes to this)**

Chapter 22

**Bella's POV**

**5 ****MINUTES EARLIER**

"Bella?" I heard Edward, who was in front of this . . . _waterslide_, gasp.

"Edward!" I screamed back, as my head hit the side of this vent, painfully.

I didn't know that this was under our _house!_ I breathed heavily, and tried my best to claw at the vent around me so I could stop, but soon it split into two, and we went our separate ways. I began screaming my head off, and then I heard Charlie and Edward begin to scream. I looked ahead timidly, as the water pushed me faster down.

I let out a couple more screams, my voice now becoming hoarse. Okay, I'm bored. I clawed at the metal a little more, but I kept getting pushed down. And for what seemed like an eternity of water flying in my mouth, making me choke a moment, and it getting in my eyes, so they're probably red by now, I hit the end of the vent. _Banged_ would actually be a more accurate term. It's just a dead end . . . and the water is still coming. I'm going to drown . . . unless . . .

I looked up, seeing the outline of what looked like a small hatch. I felt around, looking for some sort of handle to open it, but I came up short, but the water didn't. It rose further, until it was up to my chin. Now I began to panic, and I started pounding as hard as I possibly could on the hatch, hoping for it to either open from the pounding, or someone to hear and open it _for_ me.

The water was now up past my mouth even with my head smashed up against the top of this vent. But a couple seconds later, the latch was opened. I didn't even bother to see who did it just yet, and I just jumped out, grateful for the breath. But when I had one, I slowly looked to the man. He was in beaten up blue overalls and nothing under them. He was barefoot, and he seemed to be in his seventies or eighties. His hair was very white, and he had a long, snowy, matted beard. He was very skinny and he had a straw hat on.

His Adams apple bobbed a few times as he stared at me.

"Hey," I breathed.

His eyes were wide. "What in the world were you doin' in my pipes?" He asked, his voice filled with a strong southern accent. "Is dat where my poop goes? Oh dear Jesus I pooped out a lady. I _pooped a lady_, holy JESUS! My wife's gonna kill me!"

I gagged a little, and I believe I threw up in my mouth. "No, you didn't. . ." I closed my eyes a little to gag again. "These aren't your pipes, they're mine."

He stared at me. "Is dat why you're taking a swim in dem? I reckon that aint a fair idea, don't ya say? And besides, little lady, if dese aint my pipes, den why are dey on my land, here?"

Slowly, I looked around. It looks like he's in the forest behind my house! I didn't know that anyone lived out here.

I coughed a couple times. "Sorry, sir."

"Nah, that's fine . . . you can swim in me pipes, just as long as you don't tell my _beloved_." He turned his head slightly, revealing a woman now standing in the doorway of a very _little house on the prairie_ style house, wearing combat boots and a ripped up apron. "Norman!" She screeched. "What'cha doin' pickin' up some strange woman, and lettin' her get into our sewage system!"

I winced, for this vent _wasn't_ sewage. If it was . . . I would know it. God, what poor slump would be caught in sewage!

"I didn't let her in, I reckon! She came in by her lonesome!" He growled back.

"Well don't be rude, invite her little wet butt in here! She need 'a get dry, Norman, you so insensitive!"

"She don't wanna come inside, Miriam!"

"Well how done you know dat wit out even askin' da poor girlie?"

He turned his head to me, frustrated. "Would'ja like to come inside?"

I blinked and got entirely out of the vent, and put the latch back on for this man. I suppose my house is going to be flooded with all this water and no supervision, but oh well. "Yes, please, if that's alright."

"Well if it wadn't all right den why would I ask?"

Slowly, I stood up and followed him into the house.

* * *

"So," Miriam began. "What's you named?"

I blinked up from the chicken noodle soup she made me. "Bella."

She snorted. "Dat aint a name! Dat's somethin' you ring! Like ding, ding! Dat aint sometin' to name someone!"

Sheepishly, I looked back down to the soup. "I'm sorry, miss, I can't really understand you."

"What? You aint speak no English?"

"Better dan you!" Norman stepped in, letting some spit fly angrily from his chapped lips.

Wow, this is uncomfortable.

"Well, I reckon my speakin' is betta den your motha's!" She hissed.

"Now, don't you be talkin' 'bout my motha!" He warned.

"I don't gotta talk to y'all 'bout her, cause she still haunts us all in our nightmares!"

"Now Miriam . . ."

"Guys!" I interrupted, feeling terribly uncomfortable walking in on what seemed like some major dysfunction. "I think I better go . . ."

Without a word, Miriam turned around and walked over to one of the cabinets, opened the drawer, and snatched out a big shotgun. She walked back to me and stuck it in my face.

"You aint goin' nowhere."

**Edward's POV**

This is absolutely repulsive. And who knew that this was all under Bella's house! Well, hopefully not _this_, but the vents that led here. But . . . it doesn't _smell_ like I think it is.

"Edward!" Charlie growled from behind me. "This is disgusting, where are we?"

I blinked. "Well, sheriff, I thought you'd know."

"Why would _I _know?"

Discouraged, I looked down, but then back up, because I was sickened. "I don't know."

But as I did look up, I noticed small black words. This is irrigation, not sewage! I told Charlie.

"It can't be," He panted. "It's all brown . . ."

"Mud, which in _my_ opinion is a lot better than I thought it was."

He made a face. "Well, what did _you_ think it was?" He asked carefully.

"_Nothing_," I stretched that word sheepishly.

"But I thought that irrigation was fresh water."

"I guess this is recycled water and they're going to make it clean."

"Well, why is there trash?" He breathed as he began swimming to one of the walls, pulling me along.

"I dunno, maybe because this came from a lake. People litter, you know."

**See, NOT SO GROSS!! LOL, you guys get so squeamish about every little thing!!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I updated. Im ****sooo**** sorry!!**** Oh, and heads up, this is the very last chapter of the Handcuffs series. I'm not going to give into the reviews begging me to continue it again. So, yeah, last chapter. Very last one. ****Sorry. I'll be continuing ****it's**** sequel, Camp Counselors: Edward and Jacob.**

**Chapter 23**

**Bella's POV**

"Whoa, there!" I breathed as I stared into the barrel of Miriam's shotgun. "You're . . . you're joking right? You're not really going to shoot that thing, are you??"

She loaded the chamber, giving me the impression that she's _not_ joking.

"Miriam," Norman groaned, making my throbbing heart calm down in relief, knowing that he was going to stop this. "Now why do you gotta go around wastin' our bullets?" . . . um?

She aimed the gun down to speak to him. "Norman, quit your yappin'." She aimed the gun at my face again. Dang it.

"M-my dad's a cop!" I warned them, praying that it would influence their decision on whether or not to kill me.

Miriam chuckled and put her finger on the trigger. "We're havin' flesh tonight!" She told Norman happily.

My eyes widened, but Miriam just began laughing hysterically, and I heard Norman do the same.

"Ah, shucks, we're just joshin' ya!" Miriam told me between laughs. "We not gonna eat you! We're not cannon balls!"

Cannibals?

I blinked, not sure if I should be relieved or not. She said that she's not going to eat me, but she didn't say that she wasn't going to shoot me.

"Uh . . ." I choked.

* * *

**Edward's POV**

"Charlie, look!" I gasped helplessly as I stared at the small piece of metal bobbing in the same muddy water we were.

He thrashed his head around to see what I was staring at intently. "Get it, Edward!"

I reached for the key, only pushing it further down into the water. My eyebrows pulled together tightly as I sunk my head under as well to see it. It was now sinking on its own, down to the trash-filled, metal floor of this irrigation sewer.

I reached for it, but it was too low, if I grabbed it, then I would pull Charlie under and he would drown! Hmm ... I mean, _No!_

**Bella's POV**

"Are you going to shoot me?" I whispered.

Miriam rolled her eyes. "No, I just want you to clean the gun."

A wave of relief swept over me. "Oh," I smiled. "Alright, I guess . . ."

"I was being elastic!"

"No," Norman growled. "That's the rubber band."

"Sarcastic?" I whispered.

Miriam glared at me. "Now don't you be putting words in my mouth."

"Sorry." My heart was beating so hard it actually began hurting, and my stench from the sewer now began to make my head hurt, and I was starting to see double.

"Wait," Norman began from behind me. "I have a idea."

I turned my head slightly to look at him.

"How 'bout," he began. "She helps us around da house? We won't kill her 'den."

I snapped my head back to Miriam, her wrinkled and dirty face looking contemplative. "Alrighty. Oh, tell me, where'd you get that fancy perfume of yours, girl? It smells like a thankgivin' dinna."

I winced. "Well . . ." a plan was formulating . . . "It's outside, the perfume. I'll show you."

Miriam's eyes widened in enthusiasm and practically ran out of the house, Norman and I followed.

The vent was overflowing, and some of the water was streaming out, but the current seemed to be becoming weaker.

"Okay," I started walking up to it. "Just dip your hands into that . . . magic water of youth and . . . riches . . . and you will smell like me . . . and . . . you will become young again . . . and money will rain from the ceiling."

Miriam snapped her head to be with eager eyes. "How 'bout one of those fancy boxes wit' movin' pictures?"

"TV's?"

She nodded quickly.

"Yes, hundreds of TV's, and stereos, too."

She winced. "What in da world is a stereo?"

I rolled my eyes and looked back to the sewage. "Well anyways, if you want the magic waters to work, you cannot be carrying any firearms."

Norman and Miriam looked at me like I had snakes coming out of my ears. "My arms aint on fire!"

"YOU CAN'T BE CARRYING ANY GUNS!" I screamed, slightly impatient . . .

"Oh!" Miriam handed me the shotgun and stared back to the magic waters—I mean sewer. "Now, so I just touch it?"

I stared at the shot gun, my heart pulsing at jackhammer rate, worried. It was a loaded gun . . . I've never held a loaded gun before. Especially one as big as this. "Yeah . . . just touched it. In fact, close your eyes, get into the . . . vent of wealth . . . and turn around three times. You will get your TV's and stuff."

They smiled, jumped in, and began the spinning. "One, two . . ." they began in unison. "Uh . . ."

"Three . . ." I finished for them.

They did that extra spin and I bolted.

**Edward's POV**

"Edward," Charlie began. "If we don't make it . . . tell Bella . . . I think she's stupid for liking you, and you look anorexic and you wear WAY too much cologne . . ."

I glanced at him. "We're not going to die, Charlie. Look, I see a way out!"

"Oh," he began, flustered. "Well scratch that earlier statement, then."

"Consider it scratched."

Meany . . .

"Oh I see it too!"

It was a small vent so this tank wouldn't fill up. I nodded at Charlie as a, "come on" and we began swimming under to get to it.

And on our way, I grabbed the key quickly and with my free hand, pulled the vent open and squeezed through. I began being pushed by the current of water now rushing through, but was stopped. Puzzled, I looked ahead. Charlie's butt was kind of stuck in the vent.

"Don't say a word." He groaned. "Get me out of here."

A small smile formed on my face. "Well," I chuckled. "This is what you get for calling me anorexic." I started pulling on his arms until he finally came out. It's funny, him finally bursting out reminded me of how a bullet get's out of a gun.

And soon, there was one last vent, with light shining through. I smiled a wide smile and banged it open and pulled through, Charlie following.

"Oh my god," I began, happy for my freedom, but anxious about Bella's. "What happened to . . ."

Suddenly, we saw Bella with a big hunky shotgun in her hands, sprinting away.

What happened to her?

**THE END.**** THE VERY END.**


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